What little kid grows up wanting to be a tranny?
It’s not something we dream. We may want to be ourselves, or we may want to be a girl, or may want to be beautiful, but being a tranny? Not a dream.
After all, the only formal role for trannies in this culture is to be a clown. Now, some of us may exploit that role, appearing in dragface or in genderfuck, but even the vast majority of those performers change back into some more normative role in the morning. It may be a woman, or a gay man, or a straight man, but we tend to be clear that we are not the performance.
There is a reason that going stealth, one way or the other, as the assigned role or as the assumed role seems so good. It’s because we never really wanted to be liminal freaks in no-man’s/no-woman’s land. We wanted to be ourselves.
I fucking hate being a tranny. But, on the other hand, I know that to be stealth either way is just really not possible for me. My voice is the voice that connects and crosses, and to compartmentalize is to lose that voice, a voice I have worked way too hard to uncover.
I said to a gal who is a new lobbyist for the state GL rights lobby that I had been read out as “a guy” just moments before. She said “Well, that’s gonna happen.” Yes, it damn well is, but babe, if you don’t understand that cuts trannies every time it does, you ain’t got no position representin’ us. Here I am screaming about who I know myself to be in my clothes and choices, and bang, boom, there I am reduced right back to my birth genetalia. And whoever reads me feels like they have been smart, done a service, told the truth.
It’s not being seen as a transwoman that’s the problem, of course. It’s being held to some sort of biological reductivism, the guy-in-a-dress line.
I hate being a tranny because being a tranny feels like being a target of those who see group identity as more essential as indvidual expression.
I hate being a tranny because my differentness gets in the way of people listening to me as just another human.
I hate being a tranny because it’s almost impossible to find people who can understand the experience and perspective that being a tranny brings, people who are willing to enter my world and see through my eyes.
I hate being a tranny because of the assumptions people make about trannys, assumptions about motives and deceptions and sickness and perversion.
I hate being a tranny because there is no language I have found that can get past the weirdness, the buzz in people’s heads. They can’t mirror me because they have no sense of what it’s like to be me.
People ask why there are so few out trannies, why most of us try to find some way to keep our head down, or to at least think we are doing that.
It’s because, put simply, that because there are no good roles for grown up trannys, whatever we want to be in this life has to be beyond our transness. We didn’t sign up to be trannies, we just found that being one was the only way we could come close to getting what we need in this binary, heterosexist world where the shape of our skin is valued over the content of our character.
I don’t want to be a tranny. I fucking hate being a tranny. But I don’t want to have to destroy parts of myself to fit in, either. I’ve tried that killing off, and it’s killing me.
Tranny means defense in this culture. It means walking around in armor, and without the support system that most groups have. We can’t just go to our family who share race & class, go to the women’s room to share gender, go where others like us are. Trans is an indvidual path, and often the most dangerous people to us are other trannys who see us making choices of which they do not approve, choices that scare them.
Who the fuck wants to be a Tranny? I mean, I know who wants to be themselves, I know who wants to cross assigned gender roles to be themselves, I know who wants to follow their own passions and find their bliss. These are things I understand, just as I understand that being a tranny is the only way to do that for many of my sisters and brothers.
But who the fuck wants to be a tranny?
(I expand on this theme almost nine years later in 2014 in this post: Beyond Binary.)
Callan 
That was magnificent.
Hi ,
I hate being the girlfriend of a tranny!!!!
the deceptions the lies the total waste of my time trying to say “its ok i accept you, but u gotta stop lying”
it hurts whether u r straight gay tranny or whatever, thats the part of transvestism i hate .THE god damn LIES !!!!!
Cant work out if fella wants me or himself as he knocks my confidence to shreds and now im a nun and not even a confidant as fella only does the tranny online stuff , doesnt trust me to chat about things ,life in general, what skirt fella would look good in etc wont even tell me girly name (even though i know it already!)
maybe he is waiting for me to broach the subject ??????
questions questions lol
Nice piece though
totally on your wave length society is shitty , but at least there are fems like me out there who understand, even if not appreciated by my beloved .
take care all
Your body’s how it’s supposed to be. You don’t know what this is like.
Cut “him” some slack. You don’t understand what this is like, and you’re not even trying to.
you are so right I lird to my wife about what I was firever it seemed like but I guess im just different im always thinking of her while im dressing up and now she know so I don’t hide much anymore you right though I hate lying but what man is going to tell his wife baby I love you but I also love wearing panties and make up and bras and mini skirt and will you buy a strap an cause im really just a lesbian trapped in a mans body
I remember a long trip to Boston and tromping around Boylston Street on a Sunday afternoon trying to find the Cyclorama because it was the end of the Boston run of Alexandra Billings’ “Before I Dissapear.”
I didn’t find the place in time, and I guessed it meant that this wasn’t the time, but I still drove over 350 miles there and to see the amazing Alexandra.
And to have her comment here is very moving to me.
Read her blog. http://www.livejournal.com/users/abillings/ It’s one of those good ones that includes actual dialogs between people. Any blogger who cares enough to capture conversations has something important to say, because they don’t just talk, they also listen.
I hate being a tranny, too. God’s or Nature’s little joke isn’t so funny from the inside. But I also know that I am as much a female as XY women with AIS, or males born without enough prenatal androgens and reassigned at birth. That’s enough for me, and a lot better than the alternatives – living in torment or taking my life – both of which I considered at length.
What makes my existence enjoyable now is that I am not labelled as a marginal character, and thus I do not need to clamour for acceptance or a special societal niche. The simple fact is that I have made an effort to fit in to my chosen role: I have practised a passable voice and availed myself of minor cosmetic surgery to that end. I understand that no amount of therapy will change everyone’s voice, but I am amazed at the number who won’t try. There is also medical help available to raise one’s pitch.
I don’t mean to sound simplistic: even being an undectable “passer” is no guarantee of an emotional sense of place in the world. The simple fact, however, is that a great many trannies take hormones, change clothes, and get the “old nip ‘n’ tuck, and then expect to find employment, a significant other, and happiness without any other effort. An acquaintance of mine has always spoken in a deep bass rumble that confounds everyone she speaks to; another has had no electrolysis, and cannot find work. It’s hardly surprising that people who are regularly “read” find themselves allied with gay society, radicalized and pushing for laws that require others to treat them well.
If an “undetectable” T-woman chooses to speak up for rights or change, then I would view that as a noble sacrifice of her anonymity. But somehow, it always seems to be those who haven’t sincerely tried to be all they could be making all the fuss.
jenny
You seem to believe that those who find life as a tranny challenging just havent tried to assimilate sufficently. According to you, it’s only those who have learned to follow the rules who should be considered noble when breaking them. Others who haven’t taken the responsibility for being normative and fitting in deserve no compassion or respect, they are just whiners making a fuss. They are too queer and can be dismissed.
I guess that’s a reasonable position if you believe that you were born God’s or Nature’s little joke, that culture is right and creation is wrong.
I have never, ever thought I am “God’s or Nature’s little joke.”
In fact, I believe that the way my creator has made me is perfect, and I have no need to compare my sexual creation against others who are also marginalized. “As female as,” indeed.
The key question of every life is how queer is too queer, how tame is too tame. Each of us needs to assimilate, to play along, to work to meet expectations, and each of us needs to stand up, to stand out, to work to be ourselves.
We certainly have the obligation to assmilate on some level, but where does that stop? Do we need to have surgery on our vocal cords before we have standing to complain against marginalization? Is there any end to our obligation to assimilate, or can anyone be dismissed for not doing enough work to fit in before complaining?
Tranny in this world is defense, as I said. I too know lots of trannys who, after a lifetime of trying to fit in, have decided never to even try to assimilate because they see that as a hurtful process, without any chance of success.
In fact, they see others who believe that they are errors of creation as the problem, people who demand that society is right and God is wrong as the challenge.
Trannys who create their expression as art, using the tools they can find to draw their expression closer to who they know how to be, have power and blessings.
But trannys who dismiss others as less than worthy of standing because they haven’t done enough to assimilate well, I find them quislings.
We have obligations to assimilate, but until tranny kids can have role models that empower them rather than just be stuck in finding ways to hide and deny the truth of their birth as just a joke of nature, well, they they will grow up not wanting to be tranny, not wanting to be themselves.
I hate being a tranny because there is no role for grown up trannys, and people want to tell me that my creation is just a joke God played on me, not a gift that she gave me.
Sick bullshit, that.
I want to believe it is a gift.
I don’t.
I believe that it is not even a joke. It is a literal punishment of my life that has been inflicted on me.
On a very, very bad day I do not believe in God specifically because it makes me feel so utterly thrown away, so absolutely rejected by reality itself.
On reasonably good days, I can believe that there’s some sort of universal pattern, something that exists and sits behind the reality I percieve, something that somehow *required* me to be a tranny. And I can kind of accept that I did not have any other way to get to this very moment short of the path I took.
I imagined once, on a very bad day, what I would do to God with the body God forced upon me…and afterwards, I didn’t feel better. I imagined if I could *actually* do this somehow to God, and even then, I didn’t feel better or vindicated.
So on bad days I do not believe in God, and on good days I can sort of manage it.
But that this is somehow a *gift*? No. I’d have to rearrange my concept of the word “gift” in order to categorize being transsexual as some form of “gift”, and then it wouldn’t really work very well with the dictionary, or other people, or the rest of the fucking English language that’s stored in my head.
It’s God’s fucking fault, even on a good day. On a good day, I can imagine some *reason* that benefits the world somehow, that *requires* my life to be fucked this way. On a bad day, I don’t give a warm shit about other people, and I cannot see past the rising bitterness.
Gifts come with reciepts. Gifts can be returned.
I can’t return this. I can’t wear it. I can’t use it. I can’t find it. I can’t touch it, see it, hear it.
Everybody around me sees it. Touches it. Hears, feels, uses, returns, wears, finds.
There is some deep, absolute, minimal connection between a flesh body and a mental concept of self, and I never bridged it, and I feel that I never will, that I will never find this connection.
And it’s God’ fucking fault, and I want to kill God.
http://callan.transpractice.com/text/rainbow.html
A wonderful sentiment.
Who the fuck wants to be a tranny? That’s like asking, how the fuck wants to be a black woman in the South when slavery was still prevalent? HAHAHAHAHA! Wait… that’s not funny. :/ And neither is being a tranny.
Just for the record, while there are differences in being trans — no one ever had to tell their family that they thought they might be black, for example, so there was community — I believe that the experiences of slavery were MUCH, MUCH, MUCH worse than being trans.
To me there is no comparison between being trans and being a slave in the antebellum south.
However, to those today who still use the history of slavery to define current oppression, well, that’s another matter.
Who the fuck wants to be a tranny? a question i’ve asked myself many times and never come up with an answer … just more bloody questions!
I’ve read this thread and seen ‘The gift,’ ‘The Joke,’ ‘God,’ ‘Gay community’ and the ‘comparison to slavery’… Wow! Didn’t see the slavery one coming!
I’ve read through again and seen that all but one of these, has a common thread. ‘The gift,’ ‘The Joke,’ ‘God’ and the ‘comparison to slavery’ all involve an outside influence! (bare with me)! A gift is given by someone, God is the divine influence (if you believe in that sort of thing) a Joke is told by someone and Slavery was created by man! so there is someone to blame in all of these things, someone who is responsible! So who is responsible for making me a fucking tranny? mother, father, society, a sexual fetish/desire/perversion, television??? A far as i’ve been able to conclude … no-one, i’m just me without any outside influences (or hidden sexual agenda) … just a fucking tranny!
Which leads me to the ‘Gay community.’ Now there a group of people who have had some shit thrown at them in the past (literally:) but that can be said about women in the past too, until women’s rights, and now it trendy to be gay and woman and encouraged to be more ‘Manly.’ So the point i’m trying to make is that groups that have come under oppression, hate, discrimination, etc. have at some point reached a level of exceptance without having to compromising themselves although it has taken alot of suffering through the years. Both of these groups have found their own forum or platform to speak from for their rights … we haven’t yet and riding on the skirt of the gay platform isn’t helping us … most of us aren’t gay! we need to find our own feet but being such a secretive little world we live in, it will always be an up hill struggle to find acceptance from other T-Girls let alone anyone else and untill we do people will continue to see us as the ‘Clowns’ as depicted by society.
On the brighter side we have moved on from 1970’s when trannys where being electrocuted for our ‘illness’. So things are moving forward and in the right direction but as far as i feel the expression ‘there is no role for grown up trannys’ is a bit strange for me … i’m a grown up tranny and i’m very happily married with children my own business and hobbies, i’m also open about myself being Trans and dress ‘if and when’ i want too (i’m female all the time and don’t feel i need to dress to express that) … don’t get me wrong it’s taken a long time for me to find the place i am at or ‘role’ if you prefer, and i know a lot of T-girls will never be as lucky as i am but then again nor will a lot of gay people or women or men! so being Trans makes no difference in finding a role in life your going to be happy with!
Callan said:
I don’t agree with the assimilating part … to a point! everyone has to assimilate at some point as we all have to interact with other people to live so there will always be some give and take, but saying that we shouldn’t be obligated to assimilate just because we are Trans! Anyway the rest of this paragraph, i think … answers the question ‘Who the fuck wants to be a tranny?’ … simply anyone who wants to be themselves, if they where born a tranny!
So, so, so … do i finally have an answer for myself too ‘Who the Fuck wants to be a tranny?’… Yes, yes i do and that is…ME! i want to be a tranny. Why? simply because that is what i am. Trying to deny it, change it, refuse to accept it or even explain it, would be a waste of time that i could spend just being a happy tranny!
Now … I hate other peoples perception of me being a tranny! but that’s a different story and one i think we get mixed up with this one all to easily.
regards
Suexx A.K.A The Happy Tranny :)
Thank you for this website and to have listed all the comments made. I’ve spent so much time looking websites up on the net about becoming a TV/TS, that it’s taken until now for me to ask the question if there are others who wanted ‘out’.
I believe I am on this Earth to try and learn as much as I can, to emphathise as much as I can (not symphathise which is just an outsiders way of trying not to be patronising) and gain an understanding of my own humanity, it seems odd to me that everything seems to need a catagory, to be compartmentalised and regarded as either inside or outside the box.
I suppose in a way this is necessary for things to be understood and to be communicable; as opposed to vague and ethreal. It would be nice if all people we’re not judgemental, or if they are, then at least not to condemm.
It’s a strange twist on the philosophy; not of “I think therefore I am.” but more a statement of “I think therefore what am I?”
I feel, as I hope we all do, the need for love.
But in asking ourselves deep and profound questions as to how we can fullfil this need for love, we are also asking ourselves to come up with deep and profound answers.
Answers ‘in and of their own’ are not enough.
Solutions are what we are in search of.
You are all a lot braver and more truthful than you give yourselves credit for.
I need to love myself more than I do, but then I also need to love others more than I do as well.
I don’t think I’ll find the answers when I go to the ‘shrink’ next week. I don’t think I’m mad being a TV. I’m even thinking about becoming a TS, but what good would it do me?
I think if I can’t be strong for myself, then I should try to be strong for others: Sounds like BS and God knows it probably is.
Keep fighting ignorance girls.
Love to you all.
Muah!
Simone Stone.
P.S. Try and bloody laugh a bit will you, you miserable lot :)
I dont understand!
why can’t men just be happy being men
and women happy with bieng women?
i think that no such thing as “a tranny” should exist
it’s just not right.
who are you to say what is right?
who are you to say what should exist?
trannies exist, its not a dream
it’s a nightmare for a most why don’t you show compassion
Would you be okay with people treating you like a boy?
expecting you to act like a boy?
to be treated rough like a boy?
no doll houses, hot-wheels instead, nothing pink, competitive games where you get pushed around?
if yes then good for you, but 98% of teen girls in my area don’t.
men can be happy being men
woman can be happy being woman
trannies are women who are trying to be happy
they just happen to be transsexual, different, miss understood hence they are feared and face discrimination. It is discrimination that causes suicides. that is why we have to be careful what we say, words can kill and they do. killers should not exist
Tiffany, you are either one of the stupidest or rudest persons who has ever left a comment on this blog.
You “don’t understand,” so you think people like me should be erased from existence because we are “not right.”
Are you being stupid or destructive? I know at the very least you are being very disrespectful to say this in my space, though you can say what you want on your blog.
It’s always interesting to be reminded of the arrogance and rudeness of others who think we others should just be happy with whatever role was assigned to them.
If someone doesn’t understand you, do they have the right to come to your home and state you shouldn’t exist?
Or does the golden rule not apply here?
Tiffany,
Why can’t trannies be trannies, and cispeople cispeople?
Why can’t people just be happy shutting the fuck up about what other people do with their bodies?
I think people who think like you shouldn’t exist.
I hate being a tranny.
I hate spending three hours irrationally trying to look feminine like it’s the most important thing in the world to me, then being addressed as sir by a cab driver or shop assistant.
I hate that look of confusion on people’s faces when they read me, and that look of outrage and annoyance when they’re drunk and angry that I even exist.
I hate seeing photos of myself and realising suddenly that I look like a silly man wearing a comedy costume.
I hate having to hide what I do from everyone I know because most of them will think less of me for it, and the few that are tolerant enough will do just that, tolerate it.
I hate the fact that friends and family can never feel close to me, because there is a side to my identity that they don’t know and will never understand.
I hate hearing people mock trannies in front of, like it’s the most disgusting and pathetic thing in the world, and secretly know that they’re mocking me.
I hate seeing even average-looking women just enjoying their femininity and being normal females because I know that I’m a desperately envious parody of what they don’t even need to try to be.
I hate the fact that people think this is a choice.
I hate the fact that whatever makes me happy in life is dwarfed by the sheer satisfaction I get from doing this.
I hate the fact that I can’t stop myself thinking about this.
I hate the fact that I’m getting older and more masculine and will look more and more ridiculous as the years go on.
I hate the fact that there is no cure but ‘therapy’, because talking about something for hours on end solves nothing, and I know it won’t help at all.
I hate being a tranny. I love being a girl. I’m gradually realising that the only tolerable option is to invest a lot of money into making myself look as convincingly female as I can.
I hate the confusion and shock that will cause in my friends and family.
I know it’s the only way.
I hate the constant loneliness.
I hate how people say they understand trans people and still use the wrong pronouns, names, etc.
I hate that the way I look shatters my self-esteem regularly.
I hate the cost of transitioning, can you really buy mental well being?
I hate that the North American culture had made me so self conscious of the things I do, the words I say, the clothes I wear, of the way I move when I was growing up. You learn quickly the girly things you are not allowed to do. Its a cruel treatment for children. I even thought of killing myself before kindergarden.
I hate my reality, I hate that I am not good at changing it.
[just about everything that Lucy said too.]
I hate that some people think that genitals have everything to do with whats in my head.
I hate having to have grown up with more confusion than I thought was possible instead of enjoying being a child.
I hate how people think I can ‘just be a guy’ as if they could just change their gender back and forth.
I hate the bad impression the word transsexual gives.
I tried being a guy, but people expect you to talk, walk, act, and react like one instead of letting people be themselves.
Someone told me being yourself is overrated, in other words: living happily with an easy conscious is overrated.
I think that most trans people face 3 choices
1. live a life of torment and (hell) but people will love them for who they are not.
2. (death) feels like a sweet remedy from time to time when reality becomes too painful.
3. transition and feel good about yourself and forget about the overrated opinion of ignorant bigots.
so
#1 is hell at least by the time one grows up
#2 a few religions say you will go to hell if you kill yourself, (same as number 1) or at least you don’t get to live the rest of your life.
#3. is still hellish but the answer for someone who values well being and honesty.
well that’s my twisted view of reality atm
IMO one of the more common reasons for people to transition or ‘come out’ is not because they LIE or deceive but because they DON’T want to deceive.
I don’t think this life is a joke either but unfortunately its seems to be portrayed that way by the mass media of our society.
well hopefully that made half sense. If anyone doesn’t agree, post your argument,
p.s. I didn’t answer your question since it looks rather rhetorical in its context.
Thanks for sharing that, Lucy.
Powerful and clear.
Being a tranny is a choice. If someone decides to have sex with a sheep – that is a choice. It may be weird, I may not agree with it, but it’s their own choice.
If others look down on it – that is life.
If you’re a black or white or asian person, people will always dislike you for what you are. You had no choice. Putting on a girl’s or boy’s clothes is completely optional.
It’s fucked up to act like the world needs to accommodate you. The world needs to change so you can act like your chromosomes aren’t what they are (almost no males or females have the wrong chromosomes). How often do you see sheep fuckers running around telling everyone that THEY are the problem; that normal people need to accommodate their existence.
‘Normal humans’ are straight and homosexual. Straights and homosexuals have existed for millions of years of human life on this planet. Trannies showed up very recently. Trannies act like they were ‘forced’ into being trannies – yet there was nobody forcing people to be trannies 100, 200, or a million years ago.
If you truly are sick, it is likely to be more mental than sexual. Don’t go around expected others to adapt their lifestyles to treat you with camaraderie when you have thrown out the rulebook about how people are supposed to act.
Societal norms are there to ensure that people respect one another. Trannies are neither respectful nor kind people. They are very messed up folks that can’t deal with the realities of life, and try to hide in an ‘alter ego’ to escape the challenges of life.
How often have you met a tranny that was a completely healthy person otherwise? There are generally a number of mental issues and life problems associated with a transexual. I’m not saying that these problems are all not created by society – but I would wager that the majority of them are side effects of a messed up person.
You can claim that your mental issues were created because people dislike transexuals, but it was your choice to become one – and you should have known before undertaking such a serious lifestyle change.
The history of cross-gendered people is long, back to shamans and eunuchs, back to almost every society of which we have records.
Sure, the term transgender just came to visibility in the 1980s, but that doesn’t mean that the nature didn’t exist previously; anthropology and history shows us that it did.
To me, my nature isn’t a choice, though I agree that the way I reveal it or disguise it in the world is a choice.
Sweeping judgments, like the idea that “trannies are neither respectful or kind people” are not useful. I once wrote a series of parodies about the challenges of trannys who are enmeshed in the “fuck you” mindset, some of which is required to come out in this world, and my ultimate understanding was simple: if you don’t like that kind of tranny don’t be one.
I have met many, many respectful and kind trannys, but I also know that we cannot respect all the fears and expectations of others and also respect ourselves. The only choice we have is being forced into silence and denial for the comfort of others, others who might want to compare our need for self-expression with bestiality in order to degrade, diminish and dehumanize us.
Your comment offers a window into the kind of intrusive aggression based on prejudice that transpeople face in this world.
Thank you for sharing.
Okay, I was stereotyping more than I should have back there.
However, I have heard stories of and encountered several very rude ones at clubs/bars. Perhaps it skewed my perception and your post illuminated that I am stereotyping people.
This post came after I ran into a group of very rude trannies that tried to embarrass me in front of some females I was interested in. I made the mistake of friending one on facebook (a ‘nice’ one) This one was hateful enough to go on facebook and embarrass me via form message to all of my friends.
Then, she chose to go out and post my info in some gay personals to try to get a bunch of gay guys to message me. I don’t understand why she wanted to play with gay guy’s heads – it just seems rude given that they, too, probably experience the same issues she has.
For stereotyping, I apologize. Not everyone is the same as this tranny I met.
women are born not made, people don’t choose to be born. but that is your delusion.
I can only hope for your sake and for the people around you, that you will wake up from your delusion. you don’t even know what normal is.
and your arguments are weak if anything and not even worth the words they use. which is really too bad.
“Putting on a girl’s or boy’s clothes is completely optional.”
humans need clothes to stay worm, not optional
you talk about chromosomes, how deep. did you wake up and say: I have a penis. Now I’ll use it to think?
what do sheep fuckers have to do with anything?
wanted to have sex with animals is not the same as wanting well-being.
“Normal humans’ are straight and homosexual. ”
First: There is no such thing as normal humans. did you find someone who doesn’t fit YOUR criteria of human being.
also, i hate to tell you this, but transsexuals have sexual orientations too.
you have so many wrong assumptions
“there was nobody forcing people to be trannies 100, 200, or a million years ago.”
and you know this how?, lets find someone one from 100000000, 200000000 or 1000000 B.C. and ask them
btw all the transsexuals I have met were friendly nice people.
no one is asking you to change your lifestyle
trannies like most people want happiness, ie respect or at least not being discriminated against like in every domain of these human society
you should look into things like compassion before beating someone up because you don’t like what they are.
I did have a choice whether or not to be transsexual. My options were
1. Kill myself
2. Continue being a psychopathic lunatic on the road to being a serial killer (Repression makes you very crazy)
3. Accept that I really don’t have a choice. Be the caring and gentle girl I really am.
You try cancelling every emotion inside yourself and becoming the opposite of your true self in every way. See how long you last you fucking little monkey.
The important question Dona is whether you feel better now than before..
i sit and i read, i see all of your pain, but not only do i see, i feel it because i am a transexual aged 21 and i am damn proud of who i am. Im not afraid of the world and im certainly not afraid of who i am. All of you need to wake up!! Its time to stand tall and be proud and be counted. Yes there will be times of hardship people will want to hurt and bring you down, but there are also people that want to pick you up and stand proud beside you. Dont get me wrong i sometimes feel down about my situation but than i realised that im better than that and stronger than than because i wouldnt be where i am or who i am today. Whether you come across people that want to call you names and mock you or even come across agrressive and people that wish to inflict pain, as long as your a good person inside its irelavant what others do.so just smile cause we my friends are special and good people that deserve more respect than most of the human race. I mean come on when have you hurd of a master mind transexual criminal!! Never!! We dont hurt others because we are better than that and stronger, never forget that!! Remember to always smile, make the choice to change your life for the better because its your life so wake up and stop dreaming, because every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around :). Those that matter dont mind, those that mind dont matter!!. Share the love of the transexual and be proud of who you are. Embark apon your journey of self discovery and be greatfull you have the chance of a journey, because some people go there entire life without a real journey to call there own, i mean whats life without the pursuit of a dream!!. So i say again wake up and smile!! Good luck!!
It seems that everyone here who defines themselves as being transexual thinks they have it bad. That life has dealt them a bad hand. Played a cruel joke on them. God made a mistake when creating them. You think that you are discriminated against because the person you are inside does not match the person you are on the outside. Most here say there are three steps that a transexual can take: torment, death, transition. Yup, none of them are easy. No doubt. The second one ends everything, even the little bit of good things in between the torment. The last one cost money and there are a lot of risks involved the least of which is your health due to the hormones.
Let me tell you about the first one: torment. That’s me every day and it will never change. Why you ask? Well, because I am not a transexual. I am a transvestite. Those feelings I experience from time to time are turned off and on like a water faucet. When they come over me, I am just about powerless to fight them. I have to give in to my female persona. That’s what she is. She’s a persona. She’s living within me and doesn’t pay any rent. She comes and goes as she chooses. I don’t get anything from her. She takes and she takes and she takes. She makes me lie. She makes me sad. She makes me angry. She makes me bitter. She costs me money. She’s cost me relationships. She makes me feel less than what I am. She makes me cry. She makes me confused. She makes me not want to go on sometimes. I get nothing from her.
She doesn’t want to live fulltime. She wants to be only on her terms whenever she wants to be heard. She makes brief appearances. She makes me do things I would never do.
When she’s done, she goes into hiding for a while. I know she’s still there. I can feel her. I have no idea what she’s doing when she’s in hiding. She leaves me be for a while. I have no idea whether she’s taking a break or she’s giving me a break.
When she’s tired of her vacation, she starts making it known. I ignore her for a while. She starts yelling a little more. I ignore it some more. Eventually, her yelling becomes overwhelming and she pushes herself to be let free again. She doesn’t hang around long. Guess she still has more vacation to enjoy somewhere.
Being a transexual and conflicted is bad, I’m sure. Truly wanting to allow her to come into being fulltime is a brave and selfless act. The one thing, though, that differentiates a transexual from a transvestite, though, is that the transexual’s “faucet” is always on. It’s not being turned on, and then turned off, and then turned on again, and then off again, over one’s lifetime. She is not a fleeting glimpse in a transexual. She’s always there and she wants to be always there. At least you can appease her if you’re a transexual. You can bring her into being.
She comes and goes in a transvestite. There isn’t any making her stay. After she shows up and does what she does, she’s gone again. Every time. A transvestite can’t appease her. There is no transition choice. There’s only a torment or death choice. Take your choice.
Being a transvestite is far more tormenting and conflicting than being a transexual. Let me tell you all about it. I am one.
Thing is I don’t even feel transgendered. I’m a man who is open enough and secure enough in what I am to realise that clothes don’t maketh anything other than a surface image. The fact that at odd times I like to try out other clothes (what our 20th century onwards society has deemed as women’s clothes) look a little different on the odd occasion and be open to another side of myself, doesn’t realy make me transanything. Just makes me a human being who is open to a wider experience of life than some others.
Its taken me years and years to realise this. I’ve been through the whole gammut. The shame, the guilt, the hiding, the self loathing, and the joy and exitement too. At times I’ve questioned my sexuality my gender identity the lot. But finaly I feel better about it all. I don’t hate it I just accept it. Others won’t but then they won’t accept lots of stuff that I do that has nothing to do with the clothes I wear. I guess thats just life.
This realisation has come to me quite recently I suppose, and I’m glad it has. The most important person in the world to me said, when I finally plucked up the guts to explain this side of me “you only get one life and its not a practise run so stop hiding lying and living in shame” Wise words indeed. So I’m off to explore the pleasure of dressing up and experiencing all of life properly and without shame soon. Its a new journey and I’m not sure where it will lead to but hey its not a practise run.
So No I no longer hate being what I am and that feels good.
having a sex change 23 years ago destroyed my life I lost my family home and job I havent had a job since the sex change and have been homeless most of this time I cant go to school or get a job or find a place to live
And they told you it was a “cure” for your “disorder”…. Pfffft.
i am a straight married man i cant understand your struggles but i can be sympathetic i find trannys beautiful it does bother me that you cant be who you are because of some people in our society i just want you to know there are some who support you and hate the wrongs that you have to deal with there are some who love you for you there are some who wish for a more accepting society for us all there are some who feel pain and shame for how you are treated i know this all because i am one of them my wife knows how i feel and is not threatened by my feelings for trannys and she to shares my feelings for you all thats all i wanted to say i wish you all the best and much love .
I think that each person should be able to choose their own identity. Each person is brought to earth with a genetic composition that selects this identitity. Even penquins can choose. I would love to be able to turn myself into a fine ass Tranny if I wiggle my nose, but, that’s not going to happen. Thank all of you who express yourselves the way you want do. It helps when my girlfriends are missing their favorite panties.
I hate being a transsexual, because those ignorant old straight walking people think I am only doing it to get more men in my life, even though I am a pansexual who leans further towards females and trans people. I hate men in general.
I hate being a transsexual, because I cannot walk around town as freely as cisgendered woman or man. I have to be brunt of those godawful blood jokes from buffoons and ignoramus people.
I hate being a transsexual, because people feel like i should just be happpy as a man or sometimes just a transsexual and nothing more.
I hate being a transseuxal, because people keep reminding me that I’ll never be female or a real woman.
I hate being transsexual, because I am at disadvantage in the boobie department. (Luckily for me, I have small waist, with killer hips and curves, and a feminine face).
I hate being a transsexual, because you don’t seem to get invited to as many dinners, parties, or social events as everyone else does. But, your family members and acquitance (I don’t have real friends in this world) still say they love you and hope for the best you.
I hate being a transsexual, because everyone thinks I am crazy or not well-adjusted for certain things in life.
I hate being a transsexual, becaue people automatically think I am some cross-dressing sissy who only knows about fashion and gay stuff. But, will be awfully surprised to see how much I know about sports in general and other male dominated actvities, and witness how good at them I am.
I hate being a transsexual, because people won’t stop addressing me as sir, bro, or dude, even though my boobs are sticking as plain as day and I am wearing lipstick.
I hate being a transsexual, because it has exposed me to more unnecessary bigotry.
I hate being a transsexual, because I don’t get to date or have normal relationships, like my cisgendered friends and family members. It makes me so FUCKING mad, when they complain about their love lives or romances of the most petite bullshit.
I hate being a transsexual, because I only attract desperate tranny chasing men, the sleazeballs, or men who are looking for a quick, no-strings attached blow job from a willing suction device that resembles a woman. Honestly, I wish chasers would just DIE, especially if they are in the closet.
I hated being a male, because I did not see myself fully as male and I have nothing but MALCONTENT towards manhood.
I hate being a transsexual, because I’m always reminded that I will never beautiful, like even the most mudane woman.
I hate being a transsexual, because it is another strike against me in the social world … black, poor, not outstandingly attractive, small breasts, hard to tell gender, naturally deep voice, weird feminine hair cut, unsupportive friends and family, and maybe I should just burn hell in be done with it.
These are the phrases that stand out:
Quote:
I hated being a male, because I did not see myself fully as male and I have nothing but MALCONTENT towards manhood.
Symptom:
***Hatred for self, disconnect with mind/ body. Thinking something is wrong with you “as is”. Not feeling normal.***
Quote:
I hate being a transsexual, because I’m always reminded that I will never beautiful, like even the most mudane woman.
Symptom:
***Never able to feel good enough. Beauty is defined by the patriarchical view of beauty, reinforced by brainwashing. Susceptible to brain washing.***
Condition:
Autism, ASD, Spectrum. Not curable. No medicine can fix it. No therapy works on it. No phychitrist can make ASD feel better. No drugs help ASD feel normal. Since they don’t know how to fix it, they promote the biggest, cruellest fallacy, “transition”, telling you “hormones” and “surgeries” fix it. They don’t. You’ll never feel normal or truly happy. You’re best bet is to keep on living. Accept the body and mind you were dealt. Quit seeking acceptance and understanding. NT people don’t do those, other than their fake ass empathy in order to be P.C. Learn to be yourself. Realize that there is no cure. Try not to commit suicide although it is a daily struggle.
I do and love it.
Honest. & well written
I know this is a late post but I would just like to say that I think whatever a person chooses to do with their life/body is up to them.
I always have wondered since a few years ago after having an experience at a hotel whether trans people actually hated woman.
I was at this hotel with my ex and he was doing the sound and lighting for this show. It was for the first time. I went with him because sometimes that was the only way for us to spend time together and he always wanted me with him at the jobs when I could be there.
Anyway I was standing with him when a group of trans people came up to us. They were doing a show there. I was happy to meet them as I love meeting new people. Unfortunately they were very rude to me, they mocked my breasts and hair etc. And were flirting with my boyfriend right in front of me. Im not a paranoid person so the flirting didn’t bother me although I did think later it was rude. I was a bit disappointed as I know I’m open minded and have friends of many different backgrounds. I would have really loved to talk to them and listen to them about anything they might have had to say. I do hope there are trans people that are more approachable out there. I couldn’t even begin to know how it would be to try and live a life like this. I do know however that behaving like this doesn’t do any favours for anyone in this world.
Now thinking back almost 10 years later I’m still puzzled about this experience. I don’t know whether it was jealousy or hate or that they put their walls up to me thinking I was going to judge them first. All I do know is that if everyone keeps fearing different lifestyles that will get us no where.
lol, this blog has transphobia written all over it. I honestly love being transgender because it makes me a wiser, nicer, prettier, and understanding human being than most “normal” people. Most cis people act like feral dumb animals, will attack anything that’s different from them. I’m glad I’m not like your retarded kind, psycho , bigoted , violent , low i.q and ugly inside and out. Jelly because I’m smarter than you? lol. Have a nice day cis scum. :)
how exactly does it make you nicer? it’s only made me more bitter and hateful towards (your words) “cis scum” over the years. I feel like I can’t trust anybody because everybody will be a fucking jerk just because I am transgender.
I hate being a tranny but I’m stuck with it. I never chose it. Who the hell would have?!! I can’t imagine such insane people. I truly hate it. I’m tall with a body to match. I hate it. I can’t stand it. I’ve done almost everything possible to blend in but it isn’t enough. People still call me male and I’m not a male. I never have been. I tried to be what society wanted me to be but the pain was so intense, it was impossible to live with. A chat with our Divine One gave me the permission to live as myself and transition but the pain morphed when I realized I couldn’t be the woman I always have been in my brain. My brain is right, but my body didn’t get the same message. The pain is sometimes so intense I’m not sure what will happen. I’ve done the best I can but it’s often too much for me to deal with. I need acceptance and love but so many don’t have what’s needed to be comfortable with others. I can only guess the reasons but they don’t matter. The pain makes me so unhappy. It’s really hard to keep pushing on. Of course I don’t expect anyone else to understand unless you’ve been there/here.
Some would angrily suggest God made a mistake. Did he make a mistake with so many other things in the world or are they just “there” for us to deal with, as is? All I can say is I walk in the shoes given me by my maker every day and I don’t know how much longer I will have the strength to hold up and keep going. I ask for nothing but what I work for but I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep going. As long as the pain can be mitigated sufficiently I’ll keep pushing on – one day at a time. I don’t judge you. Don’t judge what I wasn’t given a choice in. That’s all I ask. Can’t give it? Push off, then, and look inside. Otherwise, please be compassionate. And do the right thing. Bye for now..
Can you please learn to like yourself in the body you have whether it be pre/post op? The fallacy promoted by the medicL community is that the transition is a cure, but it is not. The brain/body disconnect isn’t about gender it is a construct (see autism the true cause). All you can do is pray to God that you can learn to accept yourself and once you do it won’t matter if others see you as a man/woman/he/she or other.
Grow up.
Being a “tranny” is a priviledge.
You need to invest in order to pass. And never expect people to ID you properly unless you’ve taken the time and money to make it easier for them. I love being a “tranny” because that i live in an age where the surgeries and medication are readily available to help me be who I am and nobody can take it away. You need to accept who you are and stop blaming the “Hetero world” for your 1st world problems.
so…uh…. not being treated like a human being and beaten for no good reason is a 1st world problem? AND the surgeries and medication are NOT readily available UNLESS you are lucky to have enough to have nice rich parents. get a fucking clue.
I always come back to this blog post when I’m depressed. I fucking hate being a tranny because I can’t go shopping, I can’t go to restaurants, I can’t fucking go ANYWHERE without people staring at me, without people using the wrong pronouns, without people making stupid remarks.
I can’t go anywhere without getting horrified looks or double takes, I hate the fact that these fucking cis people have so much power over me and can ruin my day with a simple look or an “excuse me sir” under their breath. I hate the fact that these cis fuckers have this power. I hate the fact that I feel like I’m submissive to them, less than a cis person, because they can judge me and treat me like shit just for being transgender.
They are not “cisfuckers”. They are humans who learned to accept what they were born with. They didn’t use up resources that could be used to feed and shelter the homeless on plastic surgeries in a childish tirade to assume a body form that wasn’t given to them naturally. They are just people that don’t cater to your delusion that you are what you are not. It is the same if I, a woman, made muffled remarks about ear gauges or fake tits.
Other people “do” know what it is like, but they don’t go down that road, the tranny road. The tranny road takes a person who claims that they just want to “be themself” then mutilates and disfigured their body to look unlike themself. You are who you are, inside and out, no body mods or plastic surgery change who you are, or what “mind” you have. Changing the outside doesn’t change the brain, it’s a fallacy.
lol most of the people that are so vehemently anti-trans are such self-hating trannies it’s not even funny. also way to reply to a comment from a year ago
She is not anti trans, she just said the truth, something that you delusional people donìt wanna hear. You spend huge ammount of money in plastic surgeries, very painfull, even life threatening, to resemble what you are not, because you will never be a woman, the same way as those asians women having surgeries to look caucasians will never be caucasians, but yet, with all those money you could have done so much better for the others or even for yourselves. We are in a world where there are children who starve in several part of the world and you spen millions for those surgeries? Don’t you ever feel guilty? Poeple should learn to accept who they are. If you are born male there is nothing you can do. You are a male, you can dress like a woman, you can act like a woman, but you will never be a woman. Definition of woman : female of the homo sapiens, and you are not females. And will never be.
dude…that’s just like… your opinion…. man. And the children argument is just so over used these days. Jeez why don.t you sell everything you have and give them the money to starving children. oh wait the world is not that simple and you should educated yourself instead of being so overly opinionated. and yeah I’m tired of these people that call themselves women because they act and dress like it from time to time. . oh but transgender people are not actors… way to slander an already barely visible community that faces more violence than most if not all. It sucks more for some people than other. oh and next time anyone of you decide to get some sort of surgery as minor as rhinoplasty you should remember that you will always be your bigger/smaller nosed self. also its a beautiful day.
So if I cut a female in half the bottom part is a woman and the top part is NOTHING. way to reduce Woman to female. But I would not expect POS conformist to understand that gender is not a performance.
Unless you are a truly intersex person, genetic, reverse XX, Y antigen, or AIS/ PAIS, then you really do not need to change your body. If you do, you pay the consequences. You may pass well, then do and put away the past, or if you can’t pass, then stay a crossdresser.
If you have a natural biological disorder, then it is different, yet you may need to live in assisted living, since you may be mistreated if you live alone.
Too many people today think this is all part of the gay continuum, which is incorrect. There are several reasons this happens, mainly lack of basic sense of trust in early childhood, later you have such strong libidinal drives, which cannot be satisfied by external objects, one internalizes his own desire and tries to be his love object.
With gay men and lesbians, the matter is usually an inability to fully accept their homosexuality. I would argue homosexuality is normal when not ego dystonic, and this position for homosexuals is ego dystonic homosexuality manifested.
Once homosexuality is fully accepted in society, this transsexual identity will be antiquated.
How do you explain lesbian trans women then? Or gay trans men? Sexual orientation and gender are not the same thing and most transsexual women are attracted to women anyways.