J.O.Y.

Saw a church message sign…

J    Jesus   — Number 1
O   Others  — Number 2
Y   Yourself — Number 3

I wondered if this really was the pathway to Joy.  Jesus, you see, My Brother, as ACIM calls him, well, while I do have a personal relationship with my creator, his followers seem to be baffled what to do with me.

Anna Castro, ths cousin of one of miners who died in West Virginia, said to the TV camera, “We have got some of us saying that we don’t even know if there is a Lord any more. We had a miracle, and it was taken away from us.?  To her, belief was miracle, and rumor was a promise from God.

And as to being other directed, well, that is my life.  I am a caretaker, have been since I was very, very young, just a caretaker to someone who doesn’t give back.

And that means that the Y hurts, and that’s a problem, as many have told me.

“Did you play alone a lot as a child?” asked Colleen, my girlfriend freshman year of college more her girlfriend than boyfriend, as I wish I had been able to understand then.)  She was taking childhood development, as I was, and she wanted to know just how I got and stayed so far out of the normie net.

Jesus offers me little from his followers, even if I have a close relationship with my mother in the sky (and until the trinity includes the feminine, I will gawk at Christian Doctrine), my other directed actions don’t really have a return, maybe because I give too small gifts, staying small & below escape velocity, and myself isn’t really there.

I promise that I will try and rediscover myself after Wednesday, but I also know that my decrepit life isn’t a solid base for Joy.