Seem Less Performance

The Big Bitch was driving though Texas last night, on her way home to Trinidad, and had some time to chat.  We talked of her kids and her ex and NYC and smart trannies along the way, talked of NLP & her kinasthetic approach to life, and her dreams of taking the kids to Alaska, flying a plane, and hiking the Applachian Trail.

“You have this X-Ray vision thing, and that can scare people,” she said to me.

“It’s not really X-Ray vision,” I said.  “It’s that shaman thing where walls are thin and it’s easy to enter other people and see through their eyes.  More like being an empath.”

“Right,” she replied.  “And being seen & felt that clearly that can scare people.  I mean, I know some people it scared.  As for me, well, I get scared, but I know it will pass, so I come back. 

“But that’s not all of you.  You can be a fun, enjoyable person, until you catch the scent and show the dragon.”

“Right,” I said.  “But once you show the dragon, it’s hard for other people not to know it’s there.”

“So what are we going to do with you?” she asked.  “How do we get you back on the grid?  What do you need?  I know it’s not a therapist — you probably read them better than they read you.”

“I need a performance coach, an editor for my presence.  One to help sculpt it and give me confidence in it.   I mean, when I edit other people my goal is always to help them express what they have to say, not to turn them into some clone of myself.  But that means I have to not be scared of what they are saying, have to committ to understanding them deeply and to their intent.

“But that’s not easy to find when people just want to replicate their own healing, just want to cut off the bits that they don’t get.  That’s what bad editors always do, dumb down things rather than to polish the high level so it is more inviting & engaging.”

“A good director makes so much sense,” she replied.  “After all, what do people tell you?  ‘Be Less Intense.’  I mean, how useful is that direction to you?  You are who you are.”

TBB really wants to help, like so many loving people do.  She cautioned me on the dangers of being an emotional hermit and left me to take a snooze under that huge prairie moon of north Texas.

The people who see us and can help us shape our performance so that it seems more comforting and engaging, well, they may know what to do with a teen, but with a tranny, where there are no rules, that’s much more challenging.

And as for needing a good director, Ms. Rachelle just echoed what Lola Cola said when I said I said that I was a Drama Queen: “Aren’t we all honey?  Aren’t we all.”

I need a good director.  “Don’t we all, honey.  Don’t we all.”