Smoke, No Mirrors

If a human walks in the world and nobody sees them, do they truly exist?

All these words I throw up are just like smoke around a laser beam; floating particles to diffract the energy so it becomes visible for a second or two.

They are s smoke screen intended to reveal, to make energy visible, but instead they form another shield that obscures.

My experience in the world is one of invisibility.   My parents looked right through me, seeing only mt actions because the emotions that drove them were invisible to their self centred, Aspergers minds.  My peers looked at the shell of me, my heart occluded by my own defences and their own assumptions of normativity.

I could only see myself reflected in my own expression, creating a collage from torn up bits.   Who could look at me?   Was I really just ugly crap pretending to be real?

Searching my memory for moments when I felt seen for more than just what I could do for someone else turns up quite empty.

I know from the narratives of others that being seen is the prelude to being touched.

Wavelengths that are invisible still exist, if only in loneliness.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s