My mother couldn’t tolerate loss. She just didn’t want to handle letting anything go. My father had to do all that work.  In his last six months, he kept losing function, including paraplegia, but he remained upbeat and hopeful.  Even before he had let go of driving, let go of many things he loved. My … Continue reading Loss


yesterday, i got the call. sure, it was a wrong number, but… got my parents on the road yesterday morning for a nine day trip to a resort in tennessee.  my sister is with them. enormous amount of work to get them ready.  my mother wants to pack things she doesn’t wear here, as if … Continue reading ring

Chick Shit

After a week where I laid low to respect school vacation in the cul-de-sac, I wasn’t feeling powerful going out yesterday.  There was a cold, sharp wind that cut through you whenever you stepped outside, and it just wasn’t nice. But I went out and did my errands, grocery, shopping, all that, even though I … Continue reading Chick Shit


As part of the coalition building exercise yesterday, we had to write our three disappointments about the process of trying to pass GENDA in NYS, and our three hopes for change. The pols, of course, were focused on the details, like the Sean McKenna meeting where Sean McKenna from the Governor’s Office didn’t show up … Continue reading Hopes

In 24 years I’ve never seen him smile like this.

These pieces belong to their authors (and their employers,) but the line I used as header is powerful to me. Still, the everpresent warning: When you first come out as a transgendered person, you spend your first year in absolute euphoria. Then reality sets in, and you have to make a life and deal with … Continue reading In 24 years I’ve never seen him smile like this.


Flamboyant comes from the French word meaning “to flame.” What was it that The Christophers used to quote?  “It is better to light one little candle than to curse the darkness.”   That’s what TBB knows, why she succeeds; you cannot create good by fighting darkness, by being focused on sickness, rather you can only create … Continue reading FlamGirlAnce


My sleep was deep and banal.  It was quiet, this being is my first night alone in the house, my parents setting off this morning towards Florida, and now tucked in their beds at a Comfort Inn in Maryland, where my mother checked in using the SKYPE based cordless phone over the hotel’s wifi.  I … Continue reading Omens

Resisting Calling To the Point Of Self Destruction

The Private Story What’s the opposite of life affirming? Life denying? Life erasing? Life destroying? Catharsis isn’t always healing. That was a surprise to the people at Kripalu Yoga Center in the Berkshires who ran a bizarre mixture of Ashram Light and  “Inner Child” pop psychology called “Inner Quest Intensive.” Luckily, though, they didn’t have … Continue reading Resisting Calling To the Point Of Self Destruction