God Loves My Ego

The blessings of the one true and ultimate God is that he wants you to be as successful as you can dream of being, having all the joys and luxuries that you are entitled to as his child.

This is the essence of the prosperity gospel, an occult blending of Christian words and success ideas, which venerates the ego as the centre of service to God.  The resources of the earth are yours to use in creating tributes to His glory and wealth for his individual followers, which means the ones who make the most are not only the winners, they are the holiest followers of God, the people we should model ourselves after.

As one who learned to practice æsthetic denial, the suppression of the ego in favour of service, mostly concierge service, this indulgence of the ego as offering the true calling of God is not easy for me, even if there are massive numbers who call themselves Christian and believe in the “laws of attraction,” that an active God is just waiting to help those who help themselves, delivering all that one can desire.

I was lead to be a teachy preacher, looking within to identify and remove the blocks I hold to God, no matter how uncomfortable going deep and dropping my defences is, rather than a preachy preacher, venerating exceptionalism and entitlement for those who bring wealth to the chosen ones by succeeding at any cost for the glory of their personal God.

As I look to being more present in the world, considering my relationship with creator is important.   Does God love my ego?   Did she give it to me to have the force to cut a place in society, or did I create it to protect myself from discomfort, wrapping my soul in the armour of control?   Is surrendering to ego visions a way to do divine service, or is it just me playing fast and loose to get what I think I desire?

If only the ego immersed make big creations in this world, then how will the challenge of smart, humble, considered presence ever make a place, become a balance?

Persistence is the key to success in the world.   It really doesn’t matter if you get knocked down twenty times as long as you knock down the other guy on the twenty first.   Salespeople of my acquaintance claim to like hearing someone say “No” because that only brings them closer to the person who will say “Yes!”

Resilience is the basis of persistence, the ability to bounce back after taking a blow.   If you see God as being on your side, see your work as divinely inspired, worshipping in a fraternity of others who focus on blessings of success, then it becomes easier to go back into the fray once more.

Now, it also becomes easier to decide that the ends justify the means, that your special relationship with God allows you to do whatever is needed to accomplish your ends, no matter how many false believers you take down or social laws you break, but that is another issue.   Just believing that you carry an exceptional personal blessing, that you are on a divine mission from God, doesn’t mean you have to be an asshole, but it does help.

It is the essence of resilience which leads to persistence that calls me.   Is now the time to get out there and go for it, fighting hard to make a successful place for me? Is my experience of getting knocked back by so many people for my scary ideas something that I need to move beyond by trusting that my ego is in service of God, no matter what flack or how little social support that I get?

Have I tempered my ego enough that I can trust it, even if I still get squicked by people who just come from the place that whatever their ego calls them to do is a direct call from a God who wants them to achieve success and comfort in this realm?   Does affirming the calls of my ego mean that I have to affirm the calls that they hear from their egos, need to support their law of attraction, prosperity gospel belief structures?

That which is hateful to you do not do to your neighbour.   If I want to trust my own callings, is it okay to call their callings ungodly?  Or is this the key to trusting the ego, being willing to fight not only for what you believe to be right but also to fight against what you understand to be wrong?

I know that to be bolder and more persistent in making a place for myself in the world I need to have more resilience that will increase my persistence.   I also know that I am highly unlikely to find a group or even individuals who are ready to encourage me not only to do what I fear because it challenges my comfort but also to do what they fear because it challenges their comfort.

Playing small to not threaten others, like my remaining family member, though, is clearly not helping me grow, helping me get what I need, allowing me to help more in the wider world by being boldly present even when that presence draws isolation and brickbats.

Does God love my ego?   Is it a gift which allows me to assert my unique gifts in the world even when I get resistance or flak?

How can we be empowered to create the change by becoming the people we need to be unless we trust our desires, even the desires that come from what might be called ego?   Manifesting our spirit in the flesh demands believing in our dreams enough to work to achieve them, learning courage, serenity and wisdom along the way.   Those who resist plunging into uncomfortable change just end up envious and bitter, striking out to defend their own choice to stay safe.

I need the healing that brings resilience which in turn underlies the persistence which supports making dreams come true.    Solace, I suspect, comes from the belief that God is in our desires, that the ego which drives individuation and creation is threaded with divine inspiration.

No matter how many times I see those who seem to miss the mark, claiming the exceptional holiness of drives to separate and dehumanize, aggrandizing in the name of their lord, that doesn’t mean all ego is corrupt.

If God loves me, she loves my ego.   My dreams are inspired and tested, so as long as I don’t lose my balance too much, I can trust my Eros too, coming home after getting hit to pray for those who attacked me and be ready to go out again tomorrow to keep fighting the good fight.

Asserting my dreams in the world, even when it feels everyone is trying to silence me?   Isn’t that a good thing?

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