Emerging — as anything people don’t expect from you — has a price.
There will be resistance, anger, preaching, loss and more.
All that means, though, is that you have to be pretty damn sure about why you need transformation & emergence in the first place.
It’s not important that other people understand why you are going through the surprising and complicated changes you are entering into, though that would be nice.
It is, however, vitally important that you understand why you are breaking loose and taking a new, unexpected and risky path.
If you aren’t pretty well sure of the benefits that you hope to find, even if those are just the minimizing of playing a part that no longer fits you, that limits you, breaks your spirit and causes you pain, well, there is no way you will have the courage to consistently follow your path of growth, healing and exploration.
Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.
— Maya Angelou
Your persistence can only come from going back to the touchstone knowledge that you need something more, something new, something powerful so much that you have the will to endure the crap it takes to move beyond the past and claim a new and brilliant facet of you.
If you get bogged down in the expectations of other people, there is no way you can follow your own bliss.
We make choices in life and every choice requires being willing to say “no” to something. No matter how much you want it all, want it easy, want it comfortable, want it without paying the price or suffering the cost, you can only get it if you really want, if you try, try and try, until you succeed at last.
Being human means living a life of change. We only have to decide if we want to be reactive, just responding to the change that goes on around us, or to be proactive, taking charge of our choices and committing to our own transformation.
It may seem so much easier to just ride the beast. If we don’t make choices, if they only make us, then we have no responsibility for them, right? We always have someone to blame for our sadness and failures, a big bad world that screws everyone, especially us.
Sadly, just riding the beast doesn’t make you better. It just means you allow yourself to be the victim, living at the mercy of other people.
It’s hard to own your own possibilities. You will never be able to achieve your perfect dreams, will always have to compromise, endure loss and failure. There will always be a cost and never be a guarantee that you get what you mapped out on your dream board.
Owning your own life, though, is the only way to grow, to heal, to become better.
To take that power, though, you have to have some reason why doing it your way rather than just following along with their way is worth the pain, challenge and effort. You need something to cling onto when you feel alone, tired, lonely and hurt.
But why do you have to break the rules, turn your back on what others hold dear, move away from traditions that are good and right? Why do you have to be different, be transgressive, be queer? Don’t they have an obligation to remind you of what you should fear, of how your fears should control you?
You might not have an answer as to why that others can understand — after all, it isn’t their heart and life on the line — but you need to have an answer that you can understand, an answer that keeps you sane and focused when you hit a bump in the road or when you feel like you drove off a cliff.
Your confidence and serenity is based on why you know, regardless of all the crap you are going to have to go though, all the fear & stigma you have to face, that exploring down this road is not only right & necessary for you, but that you know will bring you healing, growth, resolution and bliss.
When the fear envelops you, pulling you back towards the choices you made that came from neediness in an attempt to play small and play along, you need to hold onto why you chose to turn away from those habits and instead follow your heart, letting love open and drive you.
How else can you be present and vulnerable enough to learn from choices that don’t work out the way you wanted them to unless you remember why you chose to become new & better in the first place?
It is vitally important that you understand why you are breaking loose and taking a new, unexpected and risky path. The deeper and more clear you are about that understanding, the more resilient, persistent and committed you can be.
Hold onto the moments when the light strikes your possibilities, keep those moments close to you and let them help you remember why you are boldly breaking away to become new.
When someone asks you “But why? Why are you making these perverse choices?” come from that light. Show them the fragments of bliss you are collecting, the shards of enlightenment and growth that have begun to come your way.
They may not get it, may not see the value in going against what they think is normal, regular and right.
But it is most important that you see that value, that you remember why you have to follow your heart everyday.
It is that why, that heart, that bliss, that love that can set you free.