You are brilliant. You know that. You can take anyone's story, beliefs and narrative and express them wonderfully, helping them get their message across, letting them be heard. Creating resonant statements that draw people together, that create an audience is a wonderful gift. The problem is, though, that you don't want to do that. Instead, what you do is let your own voice, your own ideas, your own concerns and your own vision come through. After creating wonderful summaries of where people are, carried in moving & effective language, you end up explaining where the crocks are in that position, why it doesn't work for you, and why it has major flaws. This happens in all your work. It's why you can't write decent fiction, because you can't let flawed characters just speak for themselves. Instead, you have to explain and illuminate the twists in their thinking, show how they are being reactive and shallow. Everything you put out there gets mucked up because you feel the need to put your own voice on it, need to offer your own experience, your own point of view. If you could just speak for the audience, just say what they need and want you to say, rather than polluting the message with your own selfish crap, people would see the value in what you offer. This alone would increase your standing, make you friends, get you supporters, create a base for doing more. Instead, though, you turn those people off by not shutting up, not putting your own experience and feelings aside to let them feel revealed, understood and appreciated. Throwing a turd into the works may make you feel better out of some kind of crackpot honesty, but it doesn't give other people any reason to promote what you offer, sharing it and valuing it. From your earliest days, rather than just giving the people what they want and what they need, you insisted on giving them what you think they should have, a piece of your mind. How has that been working for you? Have you gotten people to listen, to understand, to embrace that mind? Or has your dump just increased the noise, created pollution and left you crapped out? If you could just shut your own trap you have the skills, the brilliance to deliver what others want and need. You could become part of their team, working to get their voices heard, being part of a shared goal. Can you see that it is your own obsessive need to make yourself visible in the world, to interject your twisted history into everything you do that makes you unpalatable and valueless to those who are trying to do their own hard work? The world isn't about you. The work you do can't be about you, not if you want it to represent something bigger, something that others can get behind. Your iconoclastic crap isn't the solution, rather it is the problem. The group holds meaning, not the individual. There is power in unity, not in standing alone. Rewards come to those of service, not to the outliers who just make noise by being naysayers. Everyone has a story. Most of us, though, are able to put that aside to become one of the team, working together for shared reward. We don't piss into the stream we need to drink from, don't challenge & threaten the people we need to care for and reward us. We go along to get along, contributing our gifts to something larger than us rather than just pissing and moaning from the sidelines. By this point it your life it should be obvious to you that no one is going to engage your own self-centred, whining views. Your differences don't matter to us; we have more important work to do, shared work, collective work, valuable work. Individualists don't contribute to that community effectiveness, so they get left behind, all alone on the side of the road. You have the skills, the gifts to be a really valuable member of the team. You can say what we need said, be who we need you to be, offer what we want and need. Instead, you are just too stupid to understand that, too stupid to let go of your own queer voice even though you have been shown time and time again that it just creates noise that nobody wants to hear. Squeaking and squawking just makes people want to ignore you, to silence you, to erase you. This isn't what you want to hear, I know. You want to believe that at sometime, someplace, if you blather long enough, someone will hear you, engage you, see you, mirror you. You want us to come to you, to be there for you. I am suggesting that there may be a reason this hasn't happened yet, not even after all these decades of trying to get your voice out there, trying to be heard. Maybe you have been chasing an impossible goal for too long, being too stubborn to see the reality right in front of you. You have the incredible capacity to speak for us, to say what we need to hear said in the world. You can be our missionary, our token, our figurehead. Your creator gave you that awesome power. Instead, though, you have pissed it all away by imposing your own views, your own voice into every facet of what you do. Rather than letting us speak for ourselves, you decide that you get to comment, get to judge, get to have an opinion, cry out an opposing viewpoint to what the world knows to be true in this moment. If, and I say this with love, you could just shut the fuck up about your own little problems, just put them away in a different compartment, you really could offer something that we would value. You could speak for us, say what we want said, gain our thanks. Is our shared voice not true and real, grounded in a broader, communal and real experience? Isn't the voice of the crowd the most real voice of all? Every time you speak for yourself and not for us, you place another brick in the wall that separates you off from the love and rewards of the mainstream. You shoot yourself in the foot, create your own pain and alienation. You can go on trying to get your singular voice heard, of course, but one definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. You have a unique, personal and powerful voice. Why you use it to speak for yourself and not for the greater community, though, well, that's something only you can understand.