Take The Abuse

Just had a fender bender in the Walmart parking lot.   I was backing out of a parking space just a few down from a four way stop, and a young woman of color took a left at the stop sign and was right behind my car as I backed out.

She was in my blind spot, over my left shoulder, where I had no mirror coverage or anything.   Being a new driver she wasn’t primed to wait for cars coming out of spaces, doesn’t own grace or courtesy.

To her, I ZOOMED out of the space.   ZOOMED, ZOOMED, she told me many, many times.

She got to be all distressed and angry, while I got to be the mature, sensible man who has no recourse.  I was in her face for a few seconds to see if she would get the mirroring, but all I got for that was a guy in a tricked out old Chevy truck threatening to knock me out because he is triggered when a man gets in a woman’s face.

I got a non-ending stream of abuse in the frigid weather from a young driver who, while she had right of way, came around what the trooper called a “bad corner” without any awareness of the situation.   She got to pound, I got to fall back.

My obligation was simple: toughen up and take it like a man.  I did that.

And the price for that, well, it’s high.  Very damn high.

This does bring things to the fore, forces the issue.  My mother in the sky, well she tends to do that, even if it feels like crap.

I may survive.  But damn, damn, damn, it hurts.

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One thought on “Take The Abuse”

  1. Miss Callan,

    That sounds very trying. I am sorry for the pain it caused you. How much you were asked to bear, and I suppose no one else involved guessed the half of it, or gave it a moment’s thought.

    “All I got for that was a guy in a tricked out old Chevy truck threatening to knock me out because he is triggered when a man gets in a woman’s face.” Well. I guess your femme heart is chopped liver then? But of course they do not understand…

    I feel this wants being wept over. I will offer a prayer for you the next time I am sprawled out on the floor and weeping my tender heart out. (This has been happening a lot lately. I feel it as a blessing. So many tears… but at least there is still consolation in weeping.)

    I trust your mother in the sky knew your heart could bear this (yes, though it would hurt very much in the process). Surely you are not reducible to “the mature, sensible man,” even if you were able to act that role when it seemed necessary. I think you are more than likely a rather more interesting creature than that, a transgender lady who carries the mother’s generosity and love, understanding and patience into the world in a unique way. You may have been the grownup in the situation, but I do not think it was as a “sensible man.”

    Yet I am sure it still hurts to be regarded that way, and to go unseen for your heart’s truth.

    e

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