Life, Love, Surrender

And, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
— John Lennon

How do you explain love to someone who doesn’t know how to live inside of it?

Love is such a powerful force that the term has become overused and cliche, to the point of becoming mush   You can call any sensation love, be it attraction, fornication, desire, projection or manipulation and people can’t argue.

I have worked to embody love in the world, to act from love.   If God is love, I want to follow God more closely.   I give love and I teach love in the world.

To anyone who doesn’t understand what love is, who doesn’t assign the word the same meaning, that can sound trite or high handed or saccharine.  That’s why I never used the word love much in my writing, instead talking about continuous common humanity, about valuing hearts, about discipline and practice, about surrender.

They are all, to me, part of love.  My search, my quest, my work was about love.  Love and the call for love runs through all my words, the ones set down to explain and encourage, the ones set down to wail and weep.  My love reaches out, my love goes deep, the two sides revealing the same.

But isn’t human life always about love and the call for love?

Don’t you want somebody to love?
Don’t you need somebody to love?
Wouldn’t you love somebody to love?
You better find somebody to love.
— Jefferson Airplane

The point of the work, beyond all the deconstruction and reconstruction, beyond the analysis and the therapy, is love.

The surrender we are asked to make in the world is the surrender to love.

Love is always the underpinning to bliss, which is one thing that makes bliss different than sensation.

Love is the path beyond fear, the way to selflessness.

The secret goal of all healing, of every path to recovery, understanding, healing, actualization and empowerment is the goal to make people more loving.

 You have been a wonderful audience.  If I could love, I would love you all.
— Kiki DuRane (Justin Vivian Bond)

The core of love is always respect.

Dismissal, arrogance, judgment and aloofness create distance between you and the world.   You cannot love anything at a distance.

The most profound distance we hold is the distance between our the constructed worldview we hold and our own desires, feelings and knowledge.

If we believe that our head knows better than our heart, that our nature has to be suppressed so our head can take charge, we don’t respect who we are inside.  Instead of working with our nature we fight against it, because we don’t respect our handmade truth

What we do not respect we cannot love.  If we can’t love ourselves, who can we love?   Being present and kind to our own heart is the place where love has to start.

To give yourself over to love is an insane and precious thing.   It requires giving without expectation of any reward other than the satisfaction of loving.

The desire to be loved isn’t loving.   Projection is not love.  The wish to change someone into who we imagine they can be, into our vision of a perfect partner, is not love.

For me, a hero is someone who pushes past their own comfort and self interest to bravely do the right thing rather than just doing the easy thing.
— Callan

Love is heroic.

When we love something, it provides a centre for everything else we do.  It is impossible to love everything and everyone we come in contact with –dirty jobs have to be done and unpleasant people dealt with — but it is possible to do even that which we don’t love with love in our hearts rather than with bitterness, resentment, judgment and loathing.

Choosing love is choosing to give ourselves to the world, to get outside our own fears and do the loving thing.

Love demands amen.   Unless you bless something or someone, you cannot love them.   You don’t have to agree with all their choices — who agrees with everything?  — but you do  have to affirm and value them.   People can tell the difference between loving comments and the urge to control something as a projection of the way we imagine it should be.

When you love, you support the best in someone, even the challenging best, and you tenderly hold the worst in them, the unhealed and messy bits that reveal they are just a another human.

 Love can build a bridge
between your heart and mine
Don’t you think it’s time?
— Naomi Judd

When you love, you let something outside of you into your heart where it becomes part of you.   You put them ahead of yourself, finding ways to live in connection.   Learning to let someone in and not lose yourself is hard, but not letting anyone in is much worse.   It’s hard for women to stop loving people, even if they can’t live with them.

Love is not logic, it is poetry.   It is not in the text, it is in the context, the subtext, the verse.   Love isn’t what the writer cranks out, instead it runs around between the words, propelling them with sparks that can only hint at the pyrotechnics of the heart.

The only thing more important than being there and caring for other people is to make them feel cared for.  That means, simply, making them feel loved.

You don’t do this by being sweet, you make them feel loved by making them feel seen, valued and engaged, even if that engagement is challenging to the parts of them that are not yet coming from love.

Don’t tell me what you hate, tell me what you love and will sacrifice for.

Love is not about the object we love and how they will save us.   Special relationships are not about love, they are about fear, about the desire to be fixed by something outside of us, to get better without doing the hard work of learning how to love.

It’s 30 months today — 2 ½ years — since my final parent died.  I gave them love, enough to give them many times “one more good day.”   Since then, I have loved,  searching for some way to connect with real, present love from other people in the world.  I have kept a record of that search here.

Love is the story.

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