Take Control

You need to believe you have agency and control in your life.

We all know that you can't control other people.  They grow and heal in their own way and in their own time.

If you want to have power in your life, you have to have power over something that you own, something that you can control.

Transpeople around the world will tell you this: you own your own body.  You have control over what you do to it.

It takes hope, the belief that change for the better can happen, and commitment, the willingness to put everything you have on the line, pushing through discomfort, to create real change in your body. 

Body change is never a magic bullet.   It doesn't change everything. 

Taking control of your body, though, can change your confidence, can change your stance, can change your attitude as well as changing your appearance.   Changing all those things can, indeed, change your life.  

By claiming control of your body, you claim your commitment and power in the world.  You embody the change you need to see in the world.

You are amazing at words.  No one can challenge that.  You have provided brilliant words to illuminate the transgender experience, to speak for the truth of continuous common humanity in the world.   Your words are sharp and powerful.

Having people feel the real energy and heart behind those words, though, has been a struggle that has left you lonely and exhausted. They don't connect in the way you want, don't bring you the affirmation and feedback that you need.

People respond not just to words but to energy.  I see the energy in your heart, but it is cloudy and blocked to most people.

Unlock your energy.  Show it on the outside.  Manifest that amazing heart in a physical way.

Not changing your body allows you to hide.  It's just hard to scrape away the daily and reveal what is inside.

Changing your body allows you to shine.  You won't have to get out from behind your history and biology, you will be out beyond it.  Life will become simpler, easier and more integrated, become less blinking and less stressful.

I know that you have committed to "transnatural" years ago and have learned a great deal from that stance.  You have shown that it isn't clothes or hormones that define us, it is the way we allow ourselves to see the world, the way that we think.

"Transnatural," though, has also kept you invisible and disconnected from your body.  It isolates you from desire, means you can't easily get more naked in front of other people.  There is a cost to that, and you have been paying it.

I know there are limits to a trans body.  But the limits to a normative one, especially for someone who has such an enormously big trans heart and such a feminine mind as yours seem to me to be even bigger.

As Holly Boswell said so many years ago, what have you got to lose?   It's not like your life is working for you now, not like you are getting what you so desperately need in the world.

You know the solution, know the quote.   Leap.  Take the jump from insanely powerful words to messy embodied choices.  With your mind and heart, you will get the hang of it easy if you just stop holding onto your biology and your history.

Take control of your life.  Use the inheritance, however distressed you are at how the executor handled the estate, to grab one more shot. 

You have done amazing things with your mind, your language.  Do good, trans things with your body and I believe that resonance will occur, the vibrations will start, and you will enter people's consciousness in a way that stirs their hearts and a way that will return to you.

You are trans.  Let that out of your body, not just your mouth.  Take control.

Let loose from your bonds, move into the future.  Liberation, transcendence, claim.   Drop the expectations and be naked. 

Don't just tell your truth.  Shine it in the world.  Walk in bold abundance, show the world how much you have worked, how much brain and heart is inside you.   

People see the powerful mature woman inside of you, so bringing her forward will let you take your rightful place in the world in a way that staying invisible never will. Be the woman you know you are, beyond the shackles.

Stop being so mentally tough and show your tender heart on your body. You have little to lose, and a great deal, I believe, to win.