Twenty years ago, somebody gave a speech that said “Transgender is about pure transformation, or it is about nothing at all.”
Pure transformation is very, very hard in a world that likes to keep us stuck in a box they find comforting. We end up staying fixed in place to support the people we love.
But I still believe. Transgender is about pure transformation or it is about nothing at all. Unless we can move beyond, we are stuck.
Rebirth requires release.
If you want to be reborn without letting go of what you cling to, you will just end up following the same old patterns, making the same old choices, running into the same old frustrations, feeling the same old pain and the same old blocks.
Unburdening is required before transformation, for maybe more than anything else, the burdens we end up carrying shape our presence in the world.
Maturing requires we curate our burdens, choosing which we hold on to and which we release. We transfer what we can to others, knowing that we cannot take them with us, that we need to leave them in this world.
I have been the recipient of what my parents have left behind and like the good caretaker they needed me to be, I carry those burdens.
Now, though, is my time for transformation if ever there was one. Carrying those weights is too much; I need to let some go, throwing them in the trash. I know that there is no way to become new while being burdened by the past.
I deserve some beauty in my life, or so I have been told. I can only have that beauty by making room for it, clearing the way for new possibilities, new delights and new choices.
When I share my thoughts, other women tend to find value in them. I have something to offer.
I am not my history. I am not what other people think of me or have thought of me. Sure, my past is threaded through me — you cannot out run your story — but that doesn’t mean it has to define and limit my future. Transgender is about pure transformation or it is about nothing at all.
Until I can move beyond my own scars, those memories of how I was hurt, of how I was shamed and silenced into invisibility, I am stuck.
andnowfuckmysistershowedupandisforcingmetogotodennyswithclownevenafter itriedlockingallthedoorskillmekillmekillmekillme
Callan 