Terrain Of Desire

We have lousy strippers in this area, according to the owner of a new adult boutique who sells to them.   They have little professionalism or ambition.  They are the dregs of strippers.

We have lousy strippers in the area because we have a lousy audience for strippers in the area.   Girls find it hard to make a good living because there aren’t enough patrons, and there are certainly not enough generous patrons, willing to trade cash for attention.

Good strippers end up leaving the area, going where the market values them.  It’s the American ethos of voting with your feet. in this case, those feet are wedged into 5″ heels.

There are so many examples of lack of heat in the area.  People are not encouraging of others.   That means that few step up to take leadership positions.   We drive away the professional or ambitious in all fields, not just adult entertainment.

Sex workers and trans people have at least one thing in common.   We both work with Eros, with desire.

The trans experience is all about desire, a burning desire to move out of our assigned, compulsory gender role to one that more authentically represents and satisfies the content of our heart.

Managing that desire in the context of a full and productive human life is always a challenge.  We can deny it, compartmentalize it, medicalize it, or find other ways to handle it.

The hardest and best way to deal with that desire, of course, is to dive into it, exploring it, swinging the pendulum wide and letting it come back to the centre.   Unless we work to integrate the desire into a balanced and healthy life, it will always be able to throw us off balance, always be a block to the kind of intimacy we need and we crave.

Sex workers have to do the same kind of work.  They need to own their own desire so they can assist others in exploring Eros.   They are professionals of desire, understanding both its excesses and its role in a full and passionate life.

Living with curiosity and reverence for all of human energy, the most sophisticated sex workers are shamans who unlock possibilities and lead others on a journey of self-discovery beyond conventional boundaries. Gender expectations are always played with by sex workers, exaggerating or erasing them to dive deep into the psyche.

The connection between transpeople and sex workers runs deep.   Lots of transpeople make a crust by doing sex work, from phone sex to walking the streets.  Even those of us who don’t choose to do sex work still find moments when we are asked to help probe and explore the erotic details of others, as TBB was revealed as a Goddess of Eros at a  chop house in Charleston earlier this year.

My experience is that women in sex work, especially Dominatrices, have done the kind of work that lets them understand the work I have done.   They have also had to explore their own energy, had to get past being squicked by human desire, had to find a way to be open & receptive while also being centred & strong.

Every dominatrix has to be, at least on some level, a switch.  She needs to be able to accept intense feelings, pleasure & pain, and she needs to know how to invoke them.  This is the feminine way to take control, understanding the experience of those who put their trust in you, using your empathy and compassion to push them beyond what they now see as their limits.   That’s just what mothers do, too.

Domina need to know how to walk into other people’s worlds and shake them up in elegant ways.  This traipsing through others minds is one reason that transpeople are so interesting to them; there is always something new to learn and appreciate when you see the world through very different, very queer eyes.   Tell me stories, yes, then show me how you respond under stress so I can see your real mettle.   Domina know that the brain is always the biggest sex organ.

The reason your Potential Partner Pool (PPP) gets smaller is because it gets deeper.   Instead of being shallow and easy, you become deep and challenging.   That’s why people who, for whatever reason, have faced their own challenges often find each other, feeling the safety of being exposed around someone who has already done their own work, unwiring the buttons, dismantling the fears and getting down to the foundational bedrock of continuous common humanity.   Clearing Eros of twists allows us to and even requires deeper, scarier and more potent intimacy.

For people who need to enter and own their own Eros, often because they have wounds that they need to heal, we become visible in our power, beacons who draw erotic interest from those whose Eros is still walled off.  Often that means we are targets of the acting out of repressed fears, but sometimes that means we connect with others who also have had to go there.

The terrain of desire is a powerful place.

Well, not so powerful in this area.   We have lousy strippers because we have a lousy audience that avoids the heat of Eros.  Oh well.

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