Women give men the very gold in their lives.
However they invariably want it back in small change.
— Oscar Wilde
I’m watching the first season of “The West Wing” and remembering when smart, fast, moving banter made good television and we all still had hope that political savvy and intelligence could triumph in DC. It had an odd audience in that the people who watched often disagreed with the political views of the Bartlet administration, but they loved seeing people facing the challenge of managing important efforts.
The itch between Mallory, Leo McGarry’s daughter and Sam Seaborn is fun for me to watch. This is a fiery Boston redhead who wants a man who will tussle with her, will challenge her, will make her thrilled and excited. It’s not a physical affair at the start, rather it is one of the mind and the heart and it is fun to watch for everyone, including Abby, the first lady.
Women are not the passive partners in relationship — who really wants passivity? — rather we are the receptive ones, wanting to get the best out our mates, for us, for them, for the family, for the world.
In working with a higher up at work, ShamanGal felt her temper flare as he was insensitive and brusque. She kept on, though, until she found a rhythm with him where not only was she learning things that expanded her understanding and can further her career, but she was also able to contribute her unique vision, revealing facets of the analysis program that he had not considered before.
Since she was so effectively being receptive to his teaching — how else would she have seen and offered a new twist? — he was happy to give her more, moving beyond his social awkwardness to pure geek delight in knowledge transfer.
SG doesn’t consider him the most physically attractive of men, so she was surprised how she felt when the sharing started going well. Opening up to the value of the communication, to what he could offer to her, she started warming to him, happy in receiving what he had to give.
Women learn early that taking what other people offer is a great gift to give them. Others feel valuable when what they have to give is valued, and giving more can feel like being valued more. The more you take, the more you have to give, and the circle of sharing can be expanded, bringing more to more people.
Taking the best of what people have to give, polishing it and handing it back to them is such a powerful process. It facilitates transformation by bringing out the best in people, rather than trying to push a whole new character onto them. We give the gold to create small changes, giving courage and will to become better every day.
Gimme your engagement, I will receive it and give back the gold I have to offer, the jewels of my journey. Fight to have me accept your gifts and those gifts will be returned to you many fold.
That’s just what women do.