You are a loser.
How do I know that? Easy. I know that you are a human and that all humans live a life full of loss.
Loss is inevitable. Loss of stuff, Loss of illusions, loss of dreams, loss of expectations, loss of relationships, loss of youth & vitality, loss of security, loss of health, loss of life. We are humans. Loss is one of the things we do.
Your challenge as a human is always to transcend loss. The best way to do this, no doubt, is to make your losses count by using them as learning experiences. Trading wisdom for loss is the best we can do as humans, which is why so many spiritual traditions have come to the conclusion that the finite human experience, with separation and forced choices that each have a price, is given to us as an opportunity to learn what we could never learn in a infinite, integrated universe.
The moment you are born your flesh begins to die and your story begins to grow, as I said so long ago, so the best you can do is leave a story that is a gift to the world.
Your choice, every moment, is simple. Do you learn to celebrate loss, to see loss as the defining truth of your life, the absolute you always have to return to, or do you see story, learning and growth as the defining truth of your life, the absolute that moves you forward in creation, even if always at a loss?
Nothing will erase the losses in your life. They are real and they are permanent. But if you can’t also accept the wins in your life, the moments when you are present and blissful, the times when you feel the love, the connection, the growth and the possibilities, all you will have left is loss.
Winners and losers are not opposites, not some kind of binary. Winners are just people who have learned from loss, who have been persistent in the face of loss, and who have claimed the wins in their life rather than being defeated by loss. Winners don’t avoid loss, they engage and own loss in a way that helps them find ways to grow, to become better and to delight in winning.
For some of us, though, loss isn’t just something we have in common with every other human, rather we see it as the foundation of our identity. We end up having to fight back to loserdom just to keep ourselves under control, We choose to see life as futile and ourselves as doomed, choose to be blinded by the inevitability of future loss rather than being open to the inevitability of future delights.
“Sure, we are all born to suffer and die,” as I had printed in a greeting card when I was 17, “but before you go, try the pâté. It’s wonderful.”
Sure, you are human, so you are guaranteed to be a loser. But you are human, so you can find a way to rise above that loss and making a loving, productive and enjoyable life story anyway.
You are a loser. But that hasn’t stopped other loser humans from also being winners, hasn’t stopped them from learning, growing and claiming successes.
Are you going to being a loser stop you from winning?