Beyond Trans-Wall

“You are going to get shit.   Just being a visible transwoman in the world, you are going to get shit.

Like Laura said in [Trinidad: The Movie] we are other people’s hell.  Some see us and they get crazy, like all the nice rules which make their world make sense are being broken.  We are hell to them, Shiva, destroyer of worlds, tearing apart everything they want to believe is good and holy.

That’s what I call the Trans-Wall.  It’s that wall that goes up when you show up and someone decides you are not worthy of respect or dignity.  It’s amazing how many people would rather live in mediocrity and denial than engage humanity and live in healing and excellence.

Sometimes, though, sometimes, people will spend the five minutes to get over the Trans-Wall.  They will decide to care less about what their friends will think, decide to give you a chance and make a decision for themselves.

It’s those people, those relationships that you take all the shit for.  They are the reason you are out there.  They are the ones who get it, the ones who are worth the shit.

Nobody is going to believe that you are real until you force them to do it.  They will all want to believe that trans isn’t essential, that it’s some kind of hobby, something you can control, until you demand that they do the work and engage who you are.   My family, I told them for years, but until I got my genitals surgically altered, well, no one really understood how real trans was to me, how serious I am about it.   Why couldn’t they just believe me and do the work?  Because of the Trans-Wall, that’s why.

You are never, never going to look as good as you want.  You are never going to be young again and never going to be female.  Your bones are your bones, your baldness is your baldness, your skin is your skin, your voice is your voice.   You are always going to show your history, your biology.

But unless you face the shit and also show your heart, show it with determination and conviction, well, nobody is ever going to see it.  Nobody.

The magic happens when people take the five minutes to look around their own Trans-Wall and see your heart.   And they can’t do that unless you show it to them, show them it is real, show them how fucking real it is.

That’s why you have to do it, have to go into the world and be hell and take the shit and look at yourself in the mirror and see all the imperfections & tells, because if you don’t do that, nobody is ever going to see who you really, really are.


And that would be a tragedy, for you and for a world that needs more of what you have to offer.”