Venturing Out

Congratulations, Sir!  Let me shake your hand!

You picked me out and decided to tell others about me!  You are doing a wonderful job alerting your community to the fact that there are transpeople about!

Let me pin you with this lovely ‘Tranny Police‘ badge, so that everyone can know that you are a real tranny spotter, always on the lookout for transwomen!

I have deliberately been venturing out of my basement this week.  It’s expensive and a challenge, but it seems like an important step.  I need to build some stamina and endurance for putting up with the irritations and requirements of the big world if I have any hope of getting the rewards from it.

Fortune drew me back to Becca at the MAC counter.   I first met her this spring, when we talked about people we both knew.

This time, the discussion was about foundation makeup, and she gave me a few samples to take home and try.   TBB says that for her, it was all about getting the hair right, both the hair on her head and the hair on her face.   I shared my challenges with Becca, because if you can’t be honest with your MAC gal, who can you be honest with?

It was her exuberance for my appearance that really warmed me up, though.  She assured me, without any prompting, that I looked great, perfect for fall in a melon top under a black jacket and a print black skirt with tan bits and melon coloured dots.  She liked my hair and my makeup; she was very affirming.

“I wouldn’t want to be a size 0,” she told me, “even though it’s tough when I stand next to my size 0 model.  I mean, I’m a MAC gal, and that brings high standards, but I would never want to be a size 0.  A size 8, maybe, but not a size 0.”    I appreciated her support, but standing in my size 22 jacket, I knew she only had her own vision.

I got clocked in a WalMart when I was blocked getting to look at the Just My Size bras.  There was a man of colour there with a woman who was looking at bras and he clocked me.

When I circled back to see if they had moved on, I heard him whisper to her, pointing at me, trying to get her interested in what he saw.  She was only interested in passing, as she had bras to shop for.

In that moment, a flash of insight came to me clearly.

The people who clock non-obvious transwomen are the people who find us attractive in some way.  That’s why they are twigged, and that’s why they subject us to heightened scrutiny.

Your choices are about you, and the choice to get excited about seeing a transperson is a choice that tells more about the observer.     Miss Rachelle knows that from her experience, it’s people who have their own gender issues who want to bring up our gender difference.

I looked directly at this fellow and smiled a sly smile, knowing he had revealed more about himself by his excitement than anything he revealed about me.    What websites are in his browser history?

I kept moving, and actually found another good value fleece to buy, a $12 leopard print quarter zip in grey and black, muted but much more stylish than just plain black.

One day, one moment, one step at a time, eh?