ShamanGal has a problem that I never faced. Being young, slim, beautiful and with her own hair, she passes well.
All this means that she often gets guys hitting on her. What should she do or say to manage them?
She doesn’t want to give them her history, because she finds that this often affects the way people see her, the “really a guy!” idea clicking in.
But neither does she want to lead them on, to get to the point where they might be surprised, feel fooled, cheated and upset.
She needed a queer strategy to handle this.
“I’m bisexual,” I suggested that she tell interested parties, “and I couldn’t possibly ever be with anyone who isn’t also bisexual.
“So, are you bisexual?”
ShamanGal saw the brilliance of this strategy immediately. It is only guys who have come to grips with their own bisexual nature who can form a healthy relationship with a woman whose biology and history are bisexual to the core.
Plus, it is a credible barrier that a woman born female might use to make sure she had open minded and mature partners who owned their own sexual nature. To be outed as bisexual doesn’t make you less of a woman. In fact, it may make you more alluring.
Will this limit her potential relationships? Sure. But it will limit them much less than the choice to be completely abstinent just so she feels safe in the world, a world where she always knows the third gotcha is waiting.
Too often we don’t take the time to breathe and create new strategies that help us get what we want and need in the world, like feeling safe and still engaging with people.
That’s what queer strategies are about.