Perfect Shell or Perfect Heart?

ShamanGal sent me a note about a girl she knew at Chinese language school who was brilliant and perfect, a high flying achiever.   In the end, this “perfect” woman took her own life.  This story is a reminder to ShamanGal not to continue beating herself up because she doesn’t meet some definition of perfection, an old habit she wants to leave behind.

I responded:

Do you want to hold your humanity on the outside of who you are, or on the inside?

Do you want to work hard to submerge your queerness under a veneer of perfect or normal, or do you want to let it be on the surface and keep what is within strong and potent?

There are lots of reasons people choose to look right on the surface and keep their own human quirks buried, but it’s usually to meet the expectations of others who are so shallow that they can’t see the depths of humanity.

Demanding denial to show a face you believe others will love means that you can’t love the messy, human you at your heart.

Listen to yourself, gorgeous.  Breathe and listen to your instinct, your wit, your heart.

Yes, that will let you listen to others, but more than that, it will remind you that you aren’t worthy of destruction, either in pursuit of surface perfection or in pursuit of peace, of exhaustion and madness ending.

Throw off the shackles of perfection that others can easily understand and trust the depths of your mind, spirit and soul.

There is magic there, gorgeous.

As always, I know that when I feel called to speak to others, I need to listen very carefully myself.