Letting Go Of Your Cock

Our erotic desire is shaped by how we want to hold onto cock.

Do we want to put our own in a hole,  do we want one to enter our hole, or do we want to avoid it altogether?

And then there is what our partner wants to do with cock.  Do they want to put theirs in a hole, do they want one to enter their hole, or do they want to avoid cock altogether?

There are so many reasons that transwomen resist assimilation as women.   We know that we want to be one of the girls, but no trans person has ever gotten out without the call to be true to themselves, to be on some level, an iconoclast. For example, I know why I failed to be a good lesbian, no matter that my love life makes much more sense as a lesbian narrative.

We hold onto bits of ourselves that don’t quite fit our current performance, bits people see as ambiguous and dissonant, because they are important to us.  Maybe they are just old tapes that we used to protect us, or maybe they reveal parts of our history and desire that we value still.

“Why can’t we just be women?” a transsexual asked me.

“Because no woman was ever terrified to walk out of the closet wearing women’s clothing,” I replied.

That’s what we share, the experience of being pressed into a life we know doesn’t quite fit us, the experience of living across and between worlds.   Some of us may still live in our socially issued life, with only dashes out now and again,  others of us may live in our rebuilt life with only memories of that experience, and others may still live somewhere between, but to be without the experience of feeling alone and lost when some said “You can’t do that, because you are really a ______!” is to be without the experience of being trans.

That experience is hard earned, and not something we want to or that we should give up easily.   We earned our expression, the expression we were trained in, the expression we crossed from, the expression we claimed, all of it.

I once took a pounding on a board when the partner of a crossdresser wanted me to publish a private note I sent her about hanging onto “tells.”  They didn’t want to hear that there are good reasons to hold onto indicators of our trans nature even as we claimed to want to be women.

It’s safer to avoid having our gender shift in people’s eyes, safer to not be able to be seen as a liar.   But it’s also authentic to show our tells, the way we haven’t just lost our biology and history.   As TBB says, “I like some of my guy bits!”   She earned those bits fair and square, so why should she have to give them up just because others find them a bit transverse?

There is one guy bit, though, that we all have to deal with, and that is our sexuality.  In a culture that venerates the cock, sometimes it’s all about the penis and how we relate to it.

Our erotic desire is shaped by how we want to hold onto cock.

Do we want to put our own in a hole,  do we want one to enter our hole, or do we want to avoid it altogether?

And then there is what our partner wants to do with cock.  Do they want to put theirs in a hole, do they want one to enter their hole, or do they want to avoid cock altogether?

“Has she had surgery?” TBB asked about one transwoman.  “I know that was when I really had to learn how to let go of my cock.”

While that certainly is one part of GRS, we also agreed that it was possible to let go of your cock without surgery.  “I’m sure that, in her mind, all she has now is a big clitoris,” TBB said of one non-op transgenderist.     And the gal who said, in frustration, to me years ago, “Oooooh!  You are emotionally un-castratable!”  knew I wasn’t holding on to my birth bits.

Death and rebirth is a tricky business.  There are so many things to let go of so we can open space to find the new.

But I agree with TBB.  For transwomen, anyway, letting go of their cock is one of the hardest.