Not Grief

Left the house for the first time in a week, since I went to the ophthalmologist.

Went to my doctor, who has been great with my and my father’s issues.

His practice is now affiliated with the hospital system that made my father a paraplegic.

Not good.

He asked me how I am doing, and I talked about bereavement issues.

I’m not good with grief groups, as I have written here.

And that’s because what I am challenged with isn’t just bereavement. and change and ambivalence but rather post traumatic stress.

And every time I trip over the boards that man screwed up in the floor or face that hospital chain again, it all comes up all over again.

The trauma just keeps on coming.

So many stories left to unpack.  So little energy.

Sloppy == Authentic? Thinking Replaced By Social Influence?

“We love authenticity, that’s why we have a billion reality shows,” said Neal Gabler, an author of several best-selling books on Hollywood culture and history. “And here comes Anne Hathaway. Everything she does seems managed, calculated or rehearsed. Her inauthenticity — or the feeling of her inauthenticity — is now viral.”

“ ‘If the majority has done my thinking for me, I can move on to something else,’ ” Dr. Goncalo said. “People don’t want to think.”

In that sense, Hathahating echoes the emergent online sport of “hate reading” — following a blog regularly for the express purpose of ridiculing it, or “hate watching,” the bad-television-show analog, as chronicled by Katie J. M. Baker, in Jezebel.

“It’s like we’re in middle school,” Ms. Baker said. “The easiest way to bond is to talk smack about someone else, whether you’re online or at a party.”

No wonder the culture has left me cold.