For Today

TBB is talking with her bosses about another job.   This one would be shore based, an administrator, on a four month temporary basis and then, if that works, two years.

She likes the idea.  Being at sea is about making cash, not about making a life, so a job on land gives her the basis to do other things too.  It also allows her to look pretty again, to wear business clothes.

I congratulated her.

“Well, it hasn’t happened yet,” she told me.  “It still can fall through.”

I knew that.  But her bosses have seen her, as an out transwoman, as someone they want to seriously consider for this position, and that’s good, very good.  It honours her high quality of work, yes, but it also honours the centring and comfort she has found since she opened her heart.  She is no longer the hot-headed engineer, a bit volatile because they have to be in denial and hiding, but instead a transwoman who has claimed her own space and gotten to the point where her family join at her holiday table in peace and hospitality.

That’s worth honouring.  That’s worth celebrating.  That’s worth congratulations.   Not congratulations for what is coming, for some unknown future, but congratulations for today.   She is in a good space.

Trans lives are far from straight lines.  They curve and flow and twist in ways we can never predict, going places that are always new and amazing.  Over the years, TBB has told me what she planned to do — be a bush pilot, sell food products, host a television show, for a few examples — and I have always taken her plans in stride.  I knew that neither of us could see over the horizon and around the next curve, and that her only choice was to work the process, to engage and make the most of whatever came next.

Today is what we have. And if we wait until things go our way, the way we imagine they should go, to accept congratulations, well, we will go a long time without warm accolades and affirmation.

Congratulations.  Congratulations for today.

It’s an idea that everyone in recovery should understand.  Just keep it together today, and that’s enough.  Tomorrow, well, tomorrow is tomorrow.

I was watching a TV show where a husband had an affair and the wife was angry.  Why wasn’t she enough?  Why wasn’t her own sacrifice for the family supported?

“Thank you.  Thank you for everything up to now,” is what I wanted him to tell her.

Sure, the relationship may fall apart from here, or it may not.  Tomorrow is tomorrow.

But whatever he needed, he could thank her for today.  Thanks for the kids.  Thanks for taking care of me.  Thanks for the love.  Thank you, for today.

Congratulations, for today.  You did good today, and you are in a good place.  Let’s not hang our joy on hopes of what we think should happen, let’s celebrate what we have today.

Thank you, for today.  You have done great things, and I am grateful for how you gave of yourself today.  You might not have been perfect yesterday, and we don’t know where we will be tomorrow, but I appreciate your gifts today.

We all want the future to be better, but in the end, we build the future one day, one hour, one minute, one choice at a time.

Do those bits well, focus on being better from moment to moment, on filling Anne Lamott’s one inch picture frame, and we build a better future.

Congratulations, for today.

Thank you, for today.

For today is what counts.