I just wanted to say out loud, one more time, what this blog is for.
As much as I use my head, this is not an intellectual exercise, an attempt to incite discourse over ideas. I did that, I do that, but not here. I’m not going to refute every person who calls me transphobic in comments. If they want to speak, they are more than welcome to get their own blog, but this one is mine.
It’s not a platform for me to communicate to the world. I don’t do any publicity on it, no trying to drive visitors, and I sure as hell don’t write to work an audience, to please and develop a following, though I do look at the site stats page.
It’s not an attempt to train or shape anyone here. I’m not creating a manual for a way to approach the world. But I do know that I learn and grow by listening to the narratives of others, which illuminate and inform my world view, letting me see our shared world in a different way through their eyes, so if someone gets insight into their own journey by engaging my tales, well, I see that as a good thing.
It’s not a show for fancy writing, though I always feel better when I can create language that feels elegant and visceral.
It’s not a request for support, though if I get empathy and affirmation from people who find my words resonant and moving, well, I’ll take it. I’m not stupid. For example, I thank rlp for offering sweet words of support yesterday
No, the main purpose of this blog is simple. If something happens to me, I don’t want anyone ever to be able to say “Well, why didn’t they tell someone?”
It’s my experience that no matter how well I try and tell people, they only hear what they can hear. It is about personal opening. My sister gave my mother a book titled “When Your Children Disappoint You.” I hated that title, because it gives the power of your feelings to others, which is not reasonable. I want the book to be called “When You Are Disappointed About Your Children” but leading with responsibility for your own emotions isn’t a good way to sell books. It’s much more comforting to externalize the challenge, much more comforting and much less responsible.
I explain my experience and my feelings as clearly as I possibly can, in a way that allows people to engage it in their own time and their own way. My family knows about this blog, but have chosen not to read it, for whatever reasons.
But whatever happens, I said my piece out loud, said it as well as I can muster.
And that’s what this blog is for.