Trans Pride

Trans Pride
Callan Williams © 2009

Say it loud!
I’m trans,
and I’m, uh,
passing as normal.

I’m here, I’m dear,
and I’m definitely not queer!

Of course I have trans pride
Just locked deep down inside
Stuffed down in there with my history
Where both remain a mystery.

I stand tall and strong
just not for that all that long
as someone might notice,
Before I sit down and blend in.

Let me tell you a story
My therapist helped me write
about my charming girlhood
all archetypal and true
a proud creation
in my own special fashion.

I have invested in my future
with surgeons and beauticians
and at long last
I have completely erased my past
Isn’t that something to be proud of!

People around me
see what I want them to see
a lovely vision
a simplified rendition

Ambiguities
have no place in me!
I’m proud!

I stand proudly trans and alone
since because around other trannys
my difference might become known.
Keep your distance please
since I am proud of me
and not you.

I march in my own parade
every special day
proud and strong
nothing to see here,
just move right along.

Listen to my head!
Without fixing my illness
I would be dead!
The universe made a mistake
making my heart ache
Now I’m fixed and free!
No one should notice me!
I’m just who I claim to be
there is no more to me
so I will thank you to refrain
from invoking my name
ever.

Pride is never something
to be ashamed of
as long as you keep it
on the down down-low.
All those freaks in the parade
must be really sad
why else would they be dancing?

I show my pride by hiding
what others wouldn’t want to see
too much information
would be the death of me
so just shut up!

Be proud enough
to be respectful.
Don’t bring messy attention
which brings out my shame
again.

You have an obligation
to everyone else
to help us be proud and invisible
staying, in, in wherever we are!

Yes, I am trans and proud
just
not proud of my illness
not proud of my differences
not proud of my desire
not proud of my body
not proud of my freedom
not proud of my voice
not proud of my choice.

I am proud of how I swallow
playing along and staying shallow
I am not one of the freaks
Everyday I transcend their squeeks
by staying proud and strong
hiding everything that came along.

4 thoughts on “Trans Pride”

  1. grace, that’s your future?

    callan, that’s the best-distilled zing on that entire raft of horseshit i’ve ever seen.

  2. I’m not going to lie about who I was, but neither am I going to accept what I am. I’m looking to a future that doesn’t involve my current genitals; that requires surgery or extreme will, and I hope I can go the surgical route.

    My existence is a mistake I plan to correct, either by creating what I should have been or by removing myself from existence.

    If my future’s not what I want, then yeah, I’m taking my ball and going home. I’m not living in-between any more than I absolutely have to. If I can’t pass, I’m going to die.

    And no, that’s not about other transpeople. I wish I was strong enough to simply not give a shit. I’m not. I never will be, and I’m not trying to do something I can’t do — accept my body.

    What’s nice about that is that sometimes you’ll have a lengthy private discourse with someone who then talks about you like you’re a coward and a liar.

    Not that I’m pointing fingers. This is about the mentality, not the post. Get the joke?

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