I get it.
In the context of this family, the only reason for emotions is for emotional manipulation.
That’s why, for example, a friend in high school named my mother’s house the place he would least like to be for the holidays. Joy has little power to manipulate, so why be festive? Bring everyone down to your level.
The fact that I have emotions, then, and want to express them means that, by definition, I am trying to be manipulative.
And the more I try to express them, the more manipulative I am.
That gives people the liscense to hit back if they feel some emotion from me.
I want this to change.
I need this to change.
But I know that it’s not going to change with my parents 84 and still emotionally blackmailing my sister to strongarm me.
So how do you trust in change when you see no hope of change?
Or does that just mean that they are trying to emotionally manipulate me, too?