Memorable

TBB, well, she looks back on her life and feels forgotten.

Where are the connections and respect she should have as a mature person of status?  Hasn’t she done enough?

Why are the people who stayed stuck getting more attention than she is?

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I once went to a pastor who did counseling.

“What would make you happy?” he asked me.

“Oh,” I said.  “I suppose the same as would make anyone happy.”

“Really?” he questioned me.  “Don’t we all have something unique that makes us happy?  What would make you happy?”

“To be seen, understood, respected and valued for what I bring to the world,” I said.

“Oh,” he said.  “Yes, I guess that it is the same thing that makes us all happy.”

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Last night, I saw one of Tim Gunn’s Guide To Style.

This one was about an Asian woman who was a concert pianist and now is CEO of a cosmetic company.

She approached the world as performance, very cerebral, very controlled.

The Tim Team had to get her back to emotion, behind the history of anorexia and such.

In other words, they had to show that they saw her, understood her, repected and valued her for who she was, so she could feel safe letting go and being seen.

“Oooh, she looks so severe,” said Tim upon seeing the after tape.

“Yes,” said Greta, “but she looks so happy. She is comfortable with that, and that means the people around her are comfortable.”

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This morning, Issac Mizrahi put a woman into heels on Live With Regis & Kelly.

“I love heels,” Kelly said.  “I feel comfortable and powerful when I put them on.”

I imagined what Blanchard would say, because for him, autogynphila is fetishism, women’s clothes are torture, and therefore anyone born male who said they feel comfortable in heels is covering an erotic fetish.

I believe heels move Kelly into Eros.  But for her, that Eros is about heart expression and power, not about instant sexual gratification.

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TBB, well she feels invisible.

In her new job, she’s just not talking about her emergence and her history.

Those parts of her life, well, just better they stay invisible rather than be confusing and dismissive to those around her.  She knows that if they sense a contraction between her now and him then, then something will be lost, denied, erased.

Still, last year at SCC she and I were sitting at a back table and someone came up to us to tell us they saw us perform thirteen years ago and vividly remembered us as breathtaking and resonant.

Memorable.

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I have spent my life with the goal of mostly being invisible.

This hasn’t been easy, because it’s not hard for me to be memorable.

All it required is that I stay silent and unhappy.

For TBB, it required her resisting connecting the dots in her own story.

Same difference.

We couldn’t stand and fight, so we moved on.

But now, it seems, time to take a position.

Time to hope that people see, understand, respect and value us.

So we can show our inner knowledge

And show our happiness.