Map

Back from her first tour, TBB got the letter explaining why the huge relabeled painting and the climate didn’t consitute sexual harassment.

To do this, the state had to interview everyone about what they knew about her, how they felt about her, and when they knew it and when they felt it.

“It was just so surprising to find out what everyone knew or thought they knew,” she said, reminding me of a friend who thought she was stealth, but found a congratulatory posting on the bulletin board for her work in trans rights.  Everybody knew.

To be a tranny is to walk in a minefield, not knowing, waiting for the third gotcha.  What do people know, what do people think they know, what do they expect, what will set them off?

The state paid to build a map to the minefield that TBB was walking through everyday at work.

And to TBB, well, it’s just mind blowing.

2 thoughts on “Map”

  1. Before I transitioned to full-time, my greatest fear was of how other people would react if they found out that I am trans. My experience out and about in the world as a woman prior to transitioning taught me that, as least as far as I knew, I was accepted and treated as a woman wherever I went. So, I dealt with my fear by relying on that experience and the confidence it gave me. I also knew without a doubt that, without that confidence, I did not have the courage to transition.

    That confidence continued to buoy me up in the first few months after transitioning. Slowly, however, I slowly began to realize that, although I seem to be accepted as a woman wherever I go, some, perhaps, even most, people, do recognize that I am trans, especially those I encounter on a regular basis. Gradually, the fear of being recognized as transgender began to fade as I learned that, acceptance as a woman was what I wanted and that being recognized as transgender was not, for me, at least, a hindrance to achieving that goal. As that recognition grew, my fear, or perhaps just my understanding of my fear, changed. Today, I am no longer afraid of people knowing that I am trans. Instead, I fear that “third gotcha” — the discomfort I and other people feel during that moment of first realization that I am trans and the reactions that may follow. So, now, rather than fearing people knowing that I am trans, I find that I am much more comfortable with people who know, than those who don’t. The end result for me is that, while I don’t go around announcing my trans nature to everyone I meet, I do look for opportunities to reveal that fact to those I encounter on a regular basis. This process has resulted in some humorous and enlightening experiences that I have written about on my own blog: The Outing and Trans and Proud. Thanks, Callie, for reminding me about the “third gotcha” and how I have come to deal with that fear.

    And to TBB, I hope you come to enjoy the freedom that I have found from no longer fearing who knows and who doesn’t.

  2. As someone who has lead many fights, including testifying before The US House of Representatives on transgender discrimination, TBB doesn’t fear people knowing her history.

    But that doesn’t stop her from feeling it when the state maps out her everyday minefield in such detail.

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