It was a warm day — well, at least warm for April in New York — so the woman in the SUV next to me had her window down.
She was in a black hoodie and her wrist was decorated with a cuff full of gold bangles.
Those bangles didn’t seem to be todays fashion accessory, rather they seemed to be her everyday gold, signature pieces she keeps on day to day.
One thing that has surprised me this period is how often I wear the same outfit two days in a row. Of course, if I was going to the same office daily, I couldn’t do this, but that’s not where I am.
In my exploration days, I would work hard to come up with a new outfit everyday. I remember one person who said I was like a catalog model.
Part of this was getting things worn; even when I had to wear my invisible (boy) clothes, I could still shop, so I ended up with more clothes than I could wear.
But part of this was exploration, going through lots of looks to see what worked, both in the image I presented to others and the way I felt about what I was wearing.
Now, though, I seem to be settling down. I may go through three different eyeshadow colors; Sketch, a kind of browny plum, Shadowy Lady, a dark purple, and Folie, a warm brown, but those are the only three base colors; the rest stay in the tub.
And my high stance, four button Rena Rowan black wool crepe jacket works with almost anything, I have found.
I have found a kind of comfort and power in having a uniform, or at least a series of uniforms. I suppose this is a comfort that lots of people understand right up front; the beautiful Gwyneth was amazed to imagine people had more than 10 outfits in their closet to start with.
When you focus down, you have the chance to work with quality rather than quantity. As you focus you can think less about externals, like your appearance and more about content. You become packaged, a signature, so people know you when they see you and can move onto details, not the new.
All this may be very obvious to normies, who get up every morning being very sure of who they are. They just have their everyday gold and walk in the world with it, bangles clattering from morning to night. One friend complimented my earrings and I had to check to see which I was wearing. “I hate people who have so many they don’t know what they have on!” she huffed.
For me, though, it’s a new possibility, walking in the world with my everyday gold showing. Maybe I could even pierce my ears and leave my earrings in all the time, rather then always having irritation at my lobes.
To pull expression down to routine, or at least to routines — I am a femme, after all — allows one to move on with other things. It allows you to be in the room, relaxed, rather than always conscious of appearance, of presentation, of self.
To be in the world with my everyday gold showing, relaxed and comfortable, focused on other work.
What a concept!
Callan 