TBB called. She had just been resetting the radio at work away from the jughead country that one of the guys left it on, and realized that the stations she was choosing, the music that she prefers is now chick music.
And in a flash she got it. She’s not the odd man out at work, as she thought.
She’s the woman. The only woman in a gang of six. They no longer see her as a man in a dress, she’s a woman, making the choices of a woman, even if she came by that identity through a twisty route.
She feels the leap, her new footing gathering under her.
And that feels good, good enough she wants to call and share the moment. “I’m happy I transitioned,” she told me. “This wouldn’t have happened any other way.”
Which comes first, the belief or the reality, the dream or the incarnation? To be a woman is to make the choices of a woman, and until you believe that others see you as a woman, making those choices feels dangerous.
Kevin Spacey spoke with David Letterman about working with The Lady Chablis on Midnight in The Garden Of Good And Evil.
“She’s great,” he said.
Letterman said “Yeah, but isn’t she, well, a guy?”
Spacey was clear. “You spend five minutes with her and you will know she’s a woman.”
Dave may jave been thinking of Hope Vinitsky, who, in a previous incarnation, created the signature audio mix for Dave’s show, down to the pencils crashing through glassless windows. He would have seen Hope transition, before she owned her choices, before she owned her womanhood.
It’s not easy to know how to be the woman around guys if you don’t have much experience being the girl among the boys, and not easy to be confident being that woman if you used to be seen as one of the guys.
But as she changed the radio back, frustrated with the guys, TBB not only got that feeling, she enjoyed it so much she wanted to share it with me. What a gift!
Womanhood isn’t something that comes bundled with genital surgery. It’s something that you embrace as you feel the permission and even the obligation to make the choices of a woman. No amount of demanding will ever get it for you, only incarnation will.
And as TBB peels one more layer of defense back, from where I sit she looks gorgeous.