I get that Susan Stanton is a newly out transwoman, desperately seeking the assimilation into being a “normal woman” that she has dreamed of since she was a small child.
I get that Susan Stanton is working so hard to be normative that queerness still scares her, the queerness in the “gender community” and the queerness in her.
I get that Susan Stanton still believes she can be accepted as normative if she rejects queers and queerness.
I just know, from hearing way too many tranny narratives, that it’s not quite going to happen that way. She’s never going to have a girlhood, never going to have a female body. Never.
I’m really OK with her taking her path, with her finding out all this for herself.
What I’m not OK with is her thinking that she doesn’t have lessons to learn, including the lesson of compassion and understanding for other queers, others who feel the need to transgress the gender norms assigned to their birth sex to express who they really know themselves to be.
There are lots of broken and ugly trannys out there. But most of them are broken from a lifetime of being crushed by stigma and twisted demands, unable to find a mature expression that fits them and is well accepted and embraced by society.
To say that we have to prove we can be normative for the mainstream, well, that’s a bar that’s impossible to achieve, even if that’s the bar she is working so hard to meet.
Ms. Stanton has her own path and her own progress. But she should know that she is an adolescent again, and has a while to come to maturity as a gracious woman, a gracious trans woman who speaks for connection and not separation, a gracious and mature queer woman.
And until she finds that center, she shouldn’t assume there is any “us” for whom she can speak.