Secret Christmas

There is, in a bag just over there, are the secret Christmas presents I bought for myself.

There are two pair of Worthington tights from JC Penny, both black, but one with chalk stripes, like those on suiting.  I think they probably won’t work well over my hockey player calves, the ones that have always stopped me from wearing pale hose, but since both pairs were $2 after the $10 bonus certificate, I figured I’d try.

The big splurge is a Braun Silk Epelle I hid in an Amazon order, a mechanical epilator that is said to get more hairs in one pass.  My old Phillips still works, but it takes many passes to get close to clear, and that’s a challenge.

But what I crave are the two ultra soft, long sleeve, v-neck t-shirts from Target.   The ones I got on clearance last year fit well, thanks to the bit of lycra in the cotton, and this years are even softer, nicer.  So, when I saw them marked down from $12 to $7 last week, I found a bit in the grocery bidget to buy two, one in black and the other in citrus.

Yeah.  What I want to slip into are standard, budget essential t-shirts from Target.  I’m no fetishistic monkey, wanting or needing somewhere to give me a thrill, no I just want to put on a decent bra and a good t-shirt and jacket and get out into the do some work.

Instead, I’m pounding out the servant work, with repacks and fixes and laundry made harder because the drier is broken.  My mother has even gone so far to throw the urine soaked towels she keeps in her absorbent pants at me when she wants them washed.  Yum.

My sister didn’t do much with me, as she has a friend up and a boyfriend and his daughter around.  I handed her the table grace, but she never got back with a comment, and I never got to ask her to go through the ritual of handing me my secret gifts, so they would have some connection.  It wouldn’t be strange.  I bought maybe 85% of what I was gifted, cheap men’s knit shirts and electronic bits so my mother would feel she had done what was needed.

I’ve worked and worked and worked, and this moment is secret Christmas.  Tomorrow is work again.

And somehow, it doesn’t feel like the way Christmas is supposed to be.

Light & Love

(Another attempt at a tablegrace.)

Today, we — in the Northern Hemisphere — celebrate the end of our long dark nights and the rebirth of the sun.  We may celebrate with a yule log, a menorah that gets us through the dark times, or with the birth of a son, who to Christians is often seen as the sun.

I believe in Christianity as I believe in the sun
–not only because I see it,
but because by it I see everything else.
C. S. Lewis, “Is Theology Poetry?”

What do we see when we see the birth of a babe?  We see, in us, the rebirth of love.  We feel our love as a wellspring, opening up the flow where previously we might have been running dry

 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Paul’s Epistle To The Corinthians, 13:13

So, as we celebrate rebirth of the sun, isn’t love the greatest thing we can celebrate today?  It is the love of our families that brought us here, and it is love that brings the glimmering light that gets us through the dark times.

Today, as we gather, sharing presents as tokens of love shared, enjoying food that is cooked with love, and just being in loving company on a dark night, let us celebrate the exuberance and power of love.

May all at this table find themselves able to open to love, and to be supported by others in pursuing the love, the desire and the Eros that our creator put in our soul to get us through the nights.  May we dance and sing in love, preach and pray in love, claim and create in love, live and laugh in love.

May the gift we receive today be the rebirth of our own love, love for others, love for the world, and love for ourself.  May the power of the love we hold within get us through the darkness and hard times, lifting us up and letting us flow into great rivers of love shared, where transformation beyond the frail is not only possible but also required.

On this day, let us not squelch our love, but let us feel reborn in opening to love and opening with love, as we would with a newborn child, as we can with the newborn son.

Let us celebrate today in shared love, big love that will grow to last through the many nights of our life.


Like The Sap

OK, OK, yes.

I want to get sappy on Christmas, all soft and sentimental and emotional.

That’s what I think the treat is, to be in a safe space where I move away from having to be all smart and upright and forced, and just fall into the music & the eggnog.

Not gonna happen, not here.

So it’s just another workday where the nagging drives are louder and more irritating.

Happy whatever to you, too.