Easy

The striking thing, at least to me, about my trip to see TBB and SCC07 was how easy it was.

There were challenges, of course — TBB’s network eating my detailed summary when I tried to post it here was hard — but in general, it was easy.

I went to rest stops, walked to stores, chatted with other women,  all that, easy.   I had shoe/foot trouble, of course, but had good enough shoes to move the trouble around.  Chatting with Holly & Terry was easy.

It’s when I got back here that things got hard.  Stuffed into an inhospitable corner, changes made without considering me, having to get out in front of two recalcitrant people, well, that is hard.

But getting on a plane, going through screening, moving through the world, well, that almost made me feel like an adult again, someone for whom the world was made.

I need to try to recreate that summary, of course, when I can get the text to flow, and that will be a challenge.  Here everything seems like a jumble, with blocks and piles.  For example, my mother has moved things around in the living room so there is only a two and a half foot gap to enter the kitchen, a gap my father likes to stand in.  I have to wait to move, keep silent and dormant around them.

Easy was good.  Almost let me believe in my power.

But then there is here.

One thought on “Easy”

  1. Callan — It *was* easy chatting with you. When hasn’t it been? I’m so glad to have visited with you in Atlanta last week, and that you had a chance to meet my precious SO, Heather.

    And thank you for taking care of TBB during what had to have been a momentous trip for her.

    She was returning to SCC after an extraordinarily haughty departure two years ago. We fellow board members were all wounded by her confrontation with us, and relieved after she petulantly resigned, though her spitting venom in every direction was unnecessary.

    She was going on to what she then believed would be greater glory and riches running a post-op B&B for GRS clients of Dr. Marcy Bowers in Trinidad, CO.

    Guess what? That two-year project blew up in her face, and here she was on her way to SCC 2007, returning to the scene of her glory days. And you were kind enough to come along as traveling companion for her. (For it’s always about her.)

    The Colorado mis-adventure was the latest in a serious of post-transition Sugar-Momma relationships that I watched her shamelessly exploit. It appears now that all wells have run dry and she’s decided to crawl back to SCC, demanding her place at the table.

    Good luck to her.

    I’m glad you were with her in Atlanta; the consequences otherwise might have been severe. I was happy to see you again, and enjoyed our few brief chats.

    As you know, I went through some very dark days with 9/11 happening 2 1/2 weeks before SCC2001, the death of a loved one in 03, unemployment, serious health issues … it’s been a bitch. All without transitioning … just plain middle-age kicking a little ass.

    Thank god for Cat Turner taking the operational reins of the conference well in hand the past three years-plus.

    So how did I work my way back? I took my time, put one foot in front of the other, and now I have my health, a very good job, a smokin’ hot lover with whom I just celebrated a year together, and the love and respect of my SCC colleagues and friends — friendships I have nurtured and never abused in more than 15 years.

    When I did transgress, I recognized my error, apologized and, hand-in-hand with my friend, moved forward.

    All this while, as I suffered from 2001-2005 with grief, depression, financial ruin, physical illness, I was berated by the transitioning TBB, who accused me of being a shitty friend to her. (It’s always about her.)

    I have saved the e-mails. You should see the one she sent me five weeks after I buried my brother, Kevin, my best friend — and, not coincidentally — a friend of TBB’s and a key personality in the development of SCC as the most professionally run tranny conference on the globe. It stands as a masterpiece of narcissistic manifesto.

    Oy.

    She’s lucky you consider her your sister. She’s burned through a few of us — as you well know.

    Her behavior toward you in the car ride up to Atlanta appalls me (though I’m not surprised). Her feeble efforts after the fact to buy you pads to clean up is so…TBB.

    Her performance at the Sunday morning SCC post-con meeting was dramatic. Had it not hideously impacted innocents, I might have enjoyed the moment just for the pathos.

    But she co-opted a moment — the end of the Sunday morning post-con meeting — that should have been an outpouring of love for SCC2007 chair Cat Turner (someone I love and trust) and made the entire room — perhaps 80 people — focus solely on TBB and her long list of imagined slights.

    I was crushed for Cat, angry at TBB for indulging in such a vulgar public pity party, and eager to get out of the room and return to my resurgent, happy life.

    This is exactly what I did.

    This past week, we’ve had further communications from TBB demanding that attention be paid. Didn’t Arthur Miller write this play a very long time ago? I don’t think it worked out very well in the end for the characater Willy Loman, and TBB might want to contemplate that — should her ruminating mind depart for two seconds from its fascination with “who’s the founder of SCC”.

    Well, good for her if she wants Tapestry to write an article giving TBB sole, exclusive rights to the title of “Founder of SCC.” If that does it for her, then I’m all for it.

    No arguments here. She’s welcome to the title. I won’t get on the mat and grapple for points.

    I spoke to Heather Daniels before leaving the SCC hotel Sunday afternoon, and she’s interested in spearheading an SCC history project on the Web. I suggested a Wiki, the most democratic, if sometimes wildly inaccurate, form of collaborative online writing of history.

    It’s worth a go.

    Anyway, Callan, you’re a sweet soul, good to TBB when she desperately needs a non-judgmental friend, and, as I said, it was lovely to visit with you again.

    xxoo Terry Murphy

    PS — You may post this, or not, as you see fit. I’m OK either way. I trust you.

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