So, once I got conned into seeing this minister for chats.
He asked me what made me happy.
I told him that it was the same things that made anyone happy.
He looked at me askance. Surely, we all had different things that made us happy.
To feel seen, understood, safe enough to be selfless and valued for my contributions, I extended.
He thought for a moment, and then he agreed. Yes, it is usually the same things that make us happy.
I know how to make myself happy. I am reasonably safe within myself, unless I want to go outside and then I have to scare myself. I can be selfless in writing, lost in the work and not self-concious. I value my own abilities, and I understand myself well.
It’s just being happy around others that tends to elude me. There it’s just so much work trying to negotiate their hidden fears & expectations, to help them understand what I am saying, and to stay safe from the “third gotcha” that happiness is turned into stomach churning anxiety.
What does this mean for people who “just want you to be happy?” How do they help me feel seen, understood, safe enough to be selfless and valued for my contributions?
Or do I just have to be happy in my box?