Special & Precious

Jennifer and Chris love each other, but since Jeff started becoming Jennifer, the heat & sizzle of difference has faded away, though the warmth & comfort of sharing is still present.

Jennifer imagines what it would be like to have the attentions of a man, to be treated like a princess, and Chris, well, she doesn’t think genital reconstruction is something she could tolerate.

They both, well, they both seem to miss the heat of focus, that affirmation of not just being a good friend, but also being hot, special and precious to someone.

It’s hard to see something we also have as being precious.  Lezlie notes that fewer actors have taken her up on coaching, and I told her that trannies don’t see me as special — I just have what they believe that they have.  It’s when others have what we don’t have that they are precious.  Women have enough girl friends, which is why gay guys, who can be funny, understanding and also handsome & strong are valued.

Tracy Ullman played a gay flight attendant, noting that when “he” got the attention of another flight attendant, played by the awesome Joanna Gleason, it felt great. 

Yeah.  It feels great to be seen as being special & precious, unique & valued, worthy of devoted attention for what we alone can offer.

And I suspect that someday, Jennifer will have to go out and try to find that attention.

I do know, though, that feeling others hold me as special & precious, well, that’s something I do crave, and having craved, feel the need to dismiss.

A Retelling

And so it was that the preists inveighed Herod to kill the one who challenged them, wishing to silence him forever. 

They nailed him to a cross, and he died for their fears, but his death was not the end.  His story lived on, in word & flesh, promising eternal life to those who gave themselves to him.  Their fears did not kill him, but only made him stronger, the truth of his words the flesh that carried that word growing with every passing year.

He died for the fear of the world, but with him we can live beyond fear, we can live with love, embracing challenge rather than trying to futilely trying to kill truth by silencing those whose expressions scare us.

There is joy and transcendence in our relationship with him because with him all things are possible, in a life where we choose love over fear, truth over silence, stories over comfort.  With him, challenge becomes a way to seek a closer walk with the devine, choosing to let our fears die with him and be reborn in love.

 Amen and a man.

= = = = = = =

i realized that i die everytime i take responsibility for the fears of the world.  and the only possible rebirth is following love.

of course, not taking responsibility for those fears and honoring the lessons of stigma, well, that has high costs too. 

years ago, i said “and she’s looking at me, thinking that if he is so out of social control that he can wear a dress & panty hose in public, what else is he capable of?”  a therapist said “i hadn’t thought it through, but, yes, of course that’s what people fear.”

so what if jesus died for the fears of the world, the fears of the priests, but in killing him, his truth blossomed?  and what if having a relationship with jesus, living in the word, is to have a relationship of love with the world, rather than fear?

what if that’s the real secret to following christ, denying the fear that killed him and embracing the love he embodied?

what if?