Power Vulnerable

People need you to be Callan,
because Callan is comfortable with herself
in a way you forcing yourself to be a guy can never be.
That lets you be a good mirror
who helps people see themselves, and grow.

It was a good week for TBB.  She let go of holding onto an investment, let go of twisting herself into knots to make it work, and surprise, now people want to help her make it work.

Since she was loose and free, she got good reactions from people — the closeted transperson who confided in her, the transperson facing change who wanted to talk, everyone.

One guy asked her to dance, and then after they danced, a bit in his own swing, wanted to arm wrestle.  TBB took him three falls out of three — bam, bam, bam. 

“How big was your penis, when you had a penis?” he asked her.

“Average size,” she replied.  “But it’s somewhere in Utah now.”

Another transsexual at the same table blanched at this talk.  “If anyone asked me that, I’d be out of here,” she said.

A gal at the table of this working class bar noticed this. 

“Take the stick out of your ass!” she told TBB’s friend.   TBB had to stifile a laugh, knowing that I often say that the ultimate tranny surgery is pulling the stick out of your own ass.

People notice that TBB is comfortable in her own skin, and that makes them comfortable around her, something that many transsexual women who have transitioned long before her haven’t quite noticed.

There are so few big, potent grown up trannies out there that if we don’t take care of each other, who will?  But as long as we can’t engage our own pain, can’t see how others also have touched the same pain, can’t see how it connects us, we will continue to act out our pain against others close to us, others who reflect the pain in ourselves whith which we have not yet come to terms.

Our defenses block our vulnerability, and we keep that stick buried deep.

I need to know that my power comes from trusting, releasing, being open.  That’s why I called TBB this morning, telling her that while I knew the drill, it was hard to trust when it came from me.

She told me the stories I told to you, and then she ecouraged me to loosen up and get out there.

People need you to be Callan,
because Callan is comfortable with herself
in a way you forcing yourself to be a guy can never be.
That lets you be a good mirror
who helps people see themselves, and grow.

I teared up, and she was touched that I trusted her.  But I have trusted her since we got up on stage together in 1994, knowing we had each other’s backs.

People need me to be Callan.   Even if they don’t know it.  They need me to trust my heart, to come from my spirit, to be open and loving, not in denial and serving at a low level.

After all, TBB said it, and she has a beautiful connection to God, so it must be true.

 People need me to be Callan

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.