Neither Sick or Invulnerable

I have written a great deal about the challenge I felt growing up trans, which was either to learn to lie, and appear to be normative, or to tell the truth and be called a liar, with others telling me what I “really” am.

It feels to me that there is another of those painful binaries I hit.  I either have to be crushed, and be seen as abject, sick & broken, or be strong, and be seen as powerful, potent and invulnerable.

As a wounded healer, I know that is a false binary.  I am crushed & broken, and I am also powerful & potent.  I’m just neither sick or invulnerable.

“I just want to get what I need without having to claim to be sick,” said one of the participants at the GENDA organizing meeting, “and that’s why I need this law.

I know that it’s easy to see trannys who succeed as tough, tougher than you need to be or even tougher than you could be.  And it’s also easy to see them as sick, abject folks with a painful mental disorder.

But both of those visions feel like anchors around my neck. I am tender and strong, vulnerable and committed, a warrior and a lady.

And so often it feels like the space for being that just gets crushed by the assumptions of others,

One thought on “Neither Sick or Invulnerable”

  1. Hello, Callan. I was just thinking of your complexity, how I might wish you a joyous Christmas, and then I read this entry. Happy Incarnation to a brilliant mind and a tender soul, a generous heart and a sharp wit, a spirit that is sometimes powerful, sometimes small, sometimes terrifying, sometimes weak and sad, but always Beautiful.

    Love,
    Rachel

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