Oh, Santa. . .

On a list, I asked:

So, if you could ask Santa for one gift this year, one magical gift, what would you ask for?

You only get one wish, so think about it, prioritize and focus.

What gift do you really want most this holiday?

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I think many of us want to go home for the holidays, somewhere we feel at home. It’s just that for many of us, we don’t really know where that might be.

I am put in mind of a Lea DeLaria line: “I’m going to give myself the best gift any queer can give themselves in this season: I’m NOT going home for the holidays!”  Home can easily feel like a tough place to be.

But yes, I think we dream of being home.  It’s at least good that you know where your home is. . .

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 A bit of money for a bit of freedom.  A “new” car sounds like a lovely gift, because it brings a kind of independence.

I suspect most people would be amazed how we trade freedoms they take for granted for the freedom to be out as ourselves.   They can’t imagine not working and having a car, but we imagine that taking this life time to claim our freedom of expression is worth the stigma and separation that lets us not be who others expect us to be.

We make our choices, yes, but the choice to be ourselves has a cost that is so high, so normative expectations can be enforced,

It’s a lovely wish for a new sleigh for you, one you can drive to the sunny beach for a big Yule barbi, a bit of freedom that so many take for granted, but always at a cost.

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Somehow I just imagine Santa giving me the gift of peace in the world, and then reminding me

“Peace in the Mid East is my gift to you.   Now that it’s yours, it’s your responsibility to make sure it doesn’t break.  Don’t shoot your eye out kid — or let anyone else shoot their eye out!”

While Peace On Earth might be a lovely wish, I’m pretty sure it’s not a gift for which I want personal responsibility.

There is an old Jewish idea that peace will come when everyone observes shabbat.  Of course, it’s not clear if that observance will trigger the coming of the messiah, or people will find heaven when they all find their own observance.

It’s my sense that the essential lesson of this world is separation, the requirement to make hard choices in a finite world, choices that offer to help us make better, more godly choices.  There is no way out of having to choose, and a choice for something is always a choice against something.

That makes conflict the school at the heart of an embodied world, the gift we get that allows revelation and growth.

We have our free will as humans, our struggle to make better choices, choices for which we have to take responsibility.

And me, I try to choose peace.  With Santa’s help, of course.

Let there be peace on earth
and let it begin with me 

Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me

Let there be peace on earth
The peace that was meant to be
With God as our Father
Brothers all are we
Let me walk with my brother
In perfect harmony

Let peace begin with me
Let this be the moment now
With every step I take
Let this be my solemn vow
To take each moment and live each moment
In peace eternally
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me

Words and music by Jill Jackson and Sy Miller
Copyright 1955 by Jan-Lee Music.
 Copyright renewed 1983.
 All rights reserved.

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I guess I should answer, too.

What do I want from Santa?

I want to be at a holiday party, in a great dress, heels & lashes, and have someone smile at me.  I want them to think that I am interesting and attractive, to focus on me, to listen and laugh at my jokes.  I want them to share ideas and anecdotes from their own life, in a conversation so engaging that time seems to stand still, so I don’t even notice that my wine glass is empty.

Sure, I’d like them to call me afterwards too, and maybe have it go somewhere.  Everyone wants a kiss at midnight on New Years Eve, something I haven’t had for well over a decade & a half.

But really, all I want for Christmas is to have someone flirt with me, intensely, with wit and a touch of passion.  It’s been so long since someone really focused on me, affirming my humanity.

But as Mary Chapin Carpenter sang, as I cried to on my way home from my first SCC, that is too much to expect, but not too much to ask.

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