Consumption

In her autobiography Speedbumps, Teri Garr talks of her relationship with François Truffaut on the set of Close Encounters Of The Third Kind.  

She learned an enormous amount from her time with him, learned by allowing him inside of her, by consuming him.

Women often learn that way, finding relationships where we can learn from our partners, where we can grow and expand from what we bring into our life, bring into ourself.   We even eat our own children, seeing the world though their eyes, and finding ways to help them speak their own truth.

It worked somewhat differently for me, because what I needed to learn was different.  My partners taught me about being a woman  Gini is 6′ 3″ with size 13 feet, her menarche induced to try to stop her growth. Lots of lessons there.

Mostly, though, it was books and tapes that let me consume people, let me become them in some way.   I read Gender Outlaw in a half hour in the bookstore parking lot and became Kate Bornstein.  We later chatted about this and I channeled her, and she smiled, knowing that she did the same thing as part of her acting, saying that we were sisters.

I became Marianne Williamson, listening to her tapes and channeling her.  She remains inside somewhere, but is now just part of my voice, in the same way that I am sure that she has others inside of her that make up parts of her voice.

I note this now because it has been such a long time since I have had that experience, found someone that I wanted to put on, just for a while, to learn.

This might be because my life is committed to others now, or might just be because I am getting old, have learned a bit and find fewer people that I want to consume.

But whatever the reason is, it leaves me a bit hungry, because eating hearts and brains is the kind of nourishment that feeds a femme.

I got a few bytes from Ms. Garr, and her experience of growing up female, but in the end where she can’t see how the context of her Multiple Sclerosis connects her even more with every human who faces the challenges of the flesh, and the challenges of others separating themselves from what they see of sickness, she seems shallow & surface.  Then again, I am sure that helps when she gives motivational speeches for her drug company.

I remember what it feels like to consume, even if not what it feels like to be consumed, and you know, sometimes I miss it.

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