You’re Nobody ‘Till Somebody Loves You

CHEERS to John Mahoney for pulling off an impressive change-of-pace role on ER. Best known as crotchety Martin Crane on Frasier, Mahoney sparkled as a closeted cross-dresser who clashes with his critically ill partner’s family.  The episode concluded with Mahoney in full drag, crooing a heartfelt rendition of “You’re Nobody ‘Till Somebody Loves You.”  Fraiser and Niles would’ve been proud.

TV Guide, October 23-29, 2006

Sounds more like a gay man who does drag. 

Of course, Mahoney was one of the more secret gays on Fraiser — everyone knew David Hyde-Pierce was gay, but few knew that macho-playing Mahoney was.

But somehow, I liked the choice of song.


My computer is a 400 Mhz Celeron, gifted to me by someone who was a friend, but who needed to go back into the closet.

Needless to say, often times it is slow.  I need to wait for it, wait for page files and memory swaps and all that stuff.

What that does is force me to slow down, to work slower than I can think.  And the way I respond to that friction is to start tensing up, holding my muscles tighter.  I start to grunt, if only inwardly.

This is my response to so much of my life, like when one of my parents wants to natter with the TV blasting, or I have to cook with a Judge being Judgemental coming from the TV, or a wide range of other challenging tasks.

I tense and I grunt, the very slowing down causing me pain.  I tighten up and force it, causing my head to throb and my chest to ache.  And I often end up hitting myself.

My father thinks this is a good thing.  I need to slow down and think, according to him.  He believes my failure is in speed; my profound, overwhelming and dissapointing tragic failure.

Me?  I know that I am a sprinter, not a slogger, and being slowed down is what makes me fail.

My favourite poem from age four, from memory:

Christopher Robin goes
hoppity, hoppity

Whenever I ask him politely to stop
He says he can’t possibily stop.

If poor little Christopher ever stopped hopping
he wouldn’t go anywhere
couldn’t go anywhere.

So Christopher Robin goes
hoppity hoppity

I know that stopping the flight of my mind is stopping the flight of my heart, and I know it is a way I play small and self-sabotage.

I stick in the mud, grunt and sweat, all in the cause of self-destruction.