Compassion

Don't tell me
What I don't want to hear
I'll blame you
Blame you for what I fear.

My mother agrees. That person who told my cousin whose child is being treated for brain and spinal cord cancer that she lost a child to this kind of disease was inappropriate, and my cousin deserves to be outraged at that crass behavior. That story should never have been shared with a woman whose child is fighting this at this moment.

Isn't it a bitch to be asked to be compassionate for someone who has faced what we now fear? Isn't that just crap? I mean, shouldn't they be compassionate for us and just keep hidden any experience that might stimulate our fears?

I watched women shop yesterday for a special.  Lots of pushing and grabbing and ignoring people around them.

To me, this is all part of the same thing, the thing I was never able to achieve in my life.  I don't know how to be so inconsiderate of others, so bereft of compassion, that I can blame others for getting in my way.  

It just seems so adolescent, so immature, to be that self-centered. This woman shares with my cousin, and I am sure prays for a different outcome with her daughter, and my cousin gets upset, and has that upset affirmed by so many people.  

Is blindness holy?  Is needing to stay ignorant so we can hold the faith really faithful? Or is faith when we give our most loved things to God, knowing that we have to have the strength to change what we can, the serenity to accept what we can't and the wisdom to know the difference?

In the past she has said that the family has to keep to the same schedule of extracurricular activites that they have in the past.  Do they, or is that just voodoo, so that if we don't change anything nothing will change?

Facing death is facing hard choices about what you value, if that's a 6 year old with brain cancer, an 81 year old with prostate cancer, or an 81 year old with heart failure. 

But shouldn't compassion be one of the things we all value?  Can we actually accept it if we can't give it to others who face or have faced similar challenges?

GenderSlip

But what I find it hard to get my mind around is what it feels like to describe yourself with both male and female pronouns. I want to know: how does your body lead you to describe yourself that way? Or is there some kind of disconnect, and what caused it? What does “genderqueer” really mean?

How can we possibly tell someone who feels that their gender is centered in their body, who feels normatively sexed/gendered what it feels like to be liminal, living on the threshold, in neither one space or the other, but in both spaces at the same time?

My knowledge of who I am doesn’t shift much, but I have learned that my performance of gender has to shift depending on the point of view of the observer. How they see us defines how they understand us, and so we need to formulate some assumptions about how others see us.

Those assumptions, though, have to created though the experience of stigma, and stigma is a tool that authorizes abuse & dismissal.

When we are both he & she are we saying that we are two different and contradictory things? Or are we saying that we have the experience of being two different and contradictory things?

Until you have seen your gender shift in the eyes of someone you are engaged with, like when the police officer sees your driver’s liscence and stiffens, well, you don’t know what it’s like to feel the gender slip.

It’s so easy to gender slip for us, with another part of our experience or biology coming to the fore, that we know it is impossible to be one thing or another. The Guy-In-A-Dress Line, you know?

So is it any wonder that with that gender slip experience so many of us feel like we are both? Isn’t that better than feeling like we are neither, even if both feelings are a reflection of how we experience liminality, being on the threshhold?

“I was man, I was not man, I was woman, I was not woman,” Kate Bornstein said. You can’t not be something until you have been it, because you have to have been married to be divorced, have to have been immersed to be separated.

“The great thing about getting older is that you are still all the ages you have ever been,” said Madelaine L’Engle. And when I told that to Kate she immediately said “and all the genders!”

How does it feel to be both? Just a little better than it feels to be neither.

Charisma & Sex Appeal

Sex appeal and charisma seem intertwined. Charisma can produce sex appeal. Sex appeal is part of what makes someone charismatic. Either way, the end result is someone who is exciting, watchable, magnetic and electable.
In the Oval Office, Pumps and Circumstance,
Washington Post, 5 May 2006

Can trannies ever have charisma wthout having sex appeal?

And if we have sex appeal, which sex will we appeal to?