Anyone see the last episode of The L Word Season 3?
Max, the FTM, doesn't want to see Jenny dance with the new femme in the straight bar. "No one should ever be made to feel uncomfortable," Max says.
Jenny looks at Max and tells him that whatever normativity he wants to claim, he will always be one of the others, an outsider. She then goes on to dance with her new lover.
Max looks upset.
I just got called a crossdresser and had my name put in quotes on a list. It was an attempt to dismiss my challenges, to explain to me that I don't understand what it means to be a transsexual who was whatever and now is thus, is whole and separate from all those messy, liminal trannys.
Transsexual separatists telling the world that other trannys can never speak for them because they don't have open minds and hearts to accept that true transsexuals are different, and are changed.
And on the other side, crossdressers, who want to be seen as hobbyists, always men no matter what they do.
You know who the pioneers are, right? They are the ones with arrows in their backs and in their chests.
I know this dance, I really do. I value transsexuals, value surgery, value assimilation. I think crossdressers who resist change miss the point and diminish all of us.
But I haven't seen anyone change anything but apparent sex yet, and I haven't seen anyone who isn't marked in some sense by their experiences and history.
The levels of toxicity of trannies is often astounding.
For some it is toxicity by determined ignorance, a refusal to engage the stories of others. One Roman Catholic deacon who identifies as a crossdresser found it so impossible to hear me that he couldn't even hear technical explanations, even as he adored how I heard him. I demonstrated to his wife as I repeated my explanation that P is the most important letter on the internet because Protocols allow intercommunication — TCP, IP, FTP, HTTP, SMTP, POP, IMAP, and so on. I then asked him what the most important letter on the internet was and he said "What?" His wife immediately said "P" and looked at him, but didn't get why he couldn't hear, why it was so frustrating to me.
For others it is the toxicity of determined defense, always finding someone else to blame for their problems. I used to watch Tranzilla be broken hearted that she was always other, like Max, and look for someone to blame. It was those stinking transgenders who polluted the ground for her, she was sure, because otherwise people would know she was a woman.
Erasure and blaming. Two hard things to get past, I tell ya.
And today I am pissed because I tried to be nice & open and got toxic attacks.
Any wonder why I stay hidden in this cave?