If You Were To Suggest. . .

If you were to suggest
that the fear, trepidation and loathing I feel
all rooted in the expectations of something bad
when I look at the possibility of
a new message

that churning twisting tightness
which stops me from opening the envelope

if you were to suggest that
it’s all rooted in the way I learned
to inhibit myself
so I could stay small & hidden
my own self too tender for the world

and suggest that decades of that
have left my heart too strained
to imagine I can move past it

if you were to suggest that
then I’d probably agree
with you.