So, Callan, what do you know to be absolutely true?
What are the fundamental truths you are sure about, even if you don’t always hold fast to them?
Our goal here is simple. It’s to find out what you know to be true and affirm that. It’s to help you find not what you should believe but rather than what you do believe and affirm that knowledge.
You have spent a life learning to doubt what you know to be true because it makes others uncomfortable, isn’t nice and appropriate. You were taught to doubt what you knew to be true, but that means you doubted your own nature and your own gifts away. That’s bad.
You need to have faith in something to reach out and extend yourself. The first place to start seems to be in your relationship with your creator, what you know she put into your heart, what you know she sees in you.
I know that most therapists don’t start here. They want to help you doubt as part of a search for error, where you hold errors. I want to help you search for truth. You have doubted and doubted and doubted well, very well. But what I want to look at now is what you call the residue, and see what is left – the things you know to be true.
Reality is what refuses to go away
when I stop believing in it.
Phillip K. Dick
What is left when you have doubted everything else away? If reality is what doesn’t disappear when you stop believing in it, what won’t go away even when you doubt it will all your vigor over decades and decades? If you can’t make it disappear, maybe, just maybe, it’s real.
I’d love for others to help you with this and affirm what they see to be true, but that isn’t easy. Zoe affirmed what she saw to be true, even if she doubted Rachel’s narrative. She saw that you are beautiful, and she told you that, twice.
Others don’t see that easily. They are still in their old doubt patterns. They don’t see themselves as positive and touched by God, so it’s hard, if not impossible, for them to see you that way.
But you know. You know what you see in others, what you affirm and illuminate. And you know what you see in yourself, even if your habit is to doubt that vision, that truth, that knowledge.
If you can’t solve it, it’s not a problem —
it’s a reality that needs to be faced.
And if the word integration means anything,
this is what it means:
that we, with love,
shall force our brothers to see themselves as they are,
to cease fleeing from reality and begin to change it.
James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time
So, what do you know to be absolutely true?
What haven’t you been able to doubt away, no matter how much and how deeply you swallow?
What is fundamentally and essential true about you, about your creator, and about what she put in your heart?
I know you know lots of people who hold wacky beliefs – they are “walk-ins” for alien hosts, and so on. But those are just tools they use to hold onto truths that they need, that they have to hold onto to be who they need to be, in harmony with their creator and in an effective way with the other flesh beings around us. They satisfy the corporeal and the spiritual as best they can.
The people who say you are not facing reality
actually mean that you are not facing their idea of reality.
Reality is above all else a variable.
With a firm enough commitment,
you can sometimes create a reality which did not exist before.
Margaret Halsey, No Laughing Matter (1977)
You have used their wackiness to dismiss your own beliefs, to try to get rid of them, but they won’t go. They won’t go because they are true, true, true, whatever makes anyone else comfortable.
Reality can destroy the dream;
why shouldn’t the dream destroy reality?
If you want help determining truth, I would suggest you depend on love. You talk about Eros, but that’s nothing but a kind of love. Do you remember what you said in that “Hi Honey” piece? You said that the key was trusting love, all love, what you love, be that something as deep as the love of writing or as simple as the love of beauty. Trust not only the text and the sacrifice, but also the shoes. You knew something to be true there. In fact you are wearing the boots now, as your fingers fly over the keyboard.
God is in your heart. She lives in you. That’s a bit of truth that I know.
What truth does she tell you? Say it. Say it out loud. Mark it down. Believe it and never stop believing it. Take what you have never been able to doubt away and hold fast to it, hold fast in every moment.
It’s not your defenses that reveal you, it’s your heart. You were soft and you were called ma’am, men held doors and got out of your way. Your heart.
So, what do you know to be absolutely true?
Tell me, honey, tell me. Tell me the truth. And I promise that I will believe it, believe it for you, even if others want you to doubt it.
There’s no reality except the one contained within us.
That’s why so many people live an unreal life.
They take images outside them for reality
and never allow the world within them to assert itself.
The world within you. Tell me the truth of it. Don’t just tell me how you doubt it, tell me what you have doubted and you haven’t been able to make go away.
Your truth is true, and you have to believe it. Doubting it hasn’t worked.
What do you know to be absolutely true?