Loss

The hardest thing to lose
is our dreams.

We mourn less for what we actually lose
than for what we imagined having.

We get old and we know what we have tried and given up
but what we never tried, our secret wishes
still abide in us
and giving those up is giving up jewels
that kept us going.

I have spent years coming to grips
with what will never happen for me
with the “reality” people clonk over the head
of queer me.

And now, when heart hurts and feet freeze
and I think of loss
I just touch what I have already lost
all those potentialities
to know I am lost already
long lost.