Easy Blindness
July 24, 2010
Still working with my sister on all her technical needs, from copy writing to graphical design to rebuilding computers.
Her boyfriend was over when I stopped by to help her with the templates I made overnight and reconfigure a printer. He wondered why I left so fast.
“I’m a necessary evil to my family,” I said. ‘They need me to do things that they can’t do, but they don’t like me very much. Heck, I don’t like me very much. So they just want me to do the dirty work and get out.”
He took another puff on his cigarette.
My sister told me that I make what I do look easy, that when she steps up to do some of it she realizes how hard it is.
I think that’s a lie. They see me start pounding my head to force myself back into discipline and denial, she gets stories from in e-mails that she doesn’t respond to, and so on. There have been lots of flags in the last seven and a half years that this is killing me.
No, I just believe that they don’t want to see how hard it is. They don’t want to see the costs.
It’s easy to believe that the housekeeping staff make it look easy when you come back and the place is perfect, but that’s only because you never enter their world, don’t open to the sweat, effort and cost.
I may talk about how the undiagnosed/untreated metabolic syndrome gets worse, my feet swelling when I lie down, the panoply of challenges, you may see wearing nothing but shearling boots in July, but if you never enter that challenge, well, I make it look simple.
I guess the only other option is to be seen as whining about things; either being invisible or a pain, because the reality must be erased.
It’s not me making it seem easy.
It’s others being blind.
But they don’t like me much, anyway.
